When my mom was growing up men took care of the household. Actually that’s exactly how my mom describes my grandfather, “he paid the bills and made sure your grandmother had everything she wanted”. My mom is one of six children and my grandfather was a janitor. So paying the bills wasn’t easy. He also made it home every night, cooked and helped with the children. My grandmother worked purely for leisure. My grandfather was a man. I dated a man who worked six jobs, never made it home and expected me to take him on dates. My ex was a boy, dressed in men’s clothing. Something happened between my grandmother’s generation and mine, ours.
Men have become comfortable asking expecting women to take care of them. They want us to cook, clean and bring money home for their use. Somehow they expect us to finance their manhood. And some of us do just that. Countless women rush home to make a meal for a man they are just dating. Offer up some cash if he says he’s a little short. Hell, most of us don’t even cringe if he expects us to pay for the bill. I cringe. Each time it happens, I cringe. The way I see it, it is never a woman’s duty to finance a man’s agenda. If he wants to go to some expensive restaurant, let his ass pay (for both of you). If he wants a home cooked meal every night, he better go grocery shopping. After all, groceries don’t pay for themselves. I did not agree to this courtship so I could practice being: your mom, your banker or your landlord. Don’t expect me to take care of you. Don’t get me wrong it’s perfectly okay to support your man, emotionally. Too many of us are confused about the concept of dating. We somehow forgot we are the prize.
My grandfather knew it, that’s why he worked so diligently to support my grandmother, financially. He understood that men have their own. They come along to enhance a woman’s life, not burden her. So while you’re out there auditioning to be a wife, remember that your suitor is auditioning too. Far too often we get caught up in showing a man that we are worthy. I don’t cook for any man every night. I’ll cook for him on occasion so he knows I can cook. I don’t pay for every date. I’m the woman dammit. That’s not my job. But above everything else, I don’t financially support any man! No matter how fine he is or how lonely I may feel. If any of us are to ever find a man worth taking seriously, we must first know that he takes the business of being a man seriously. If I wanted a boy, I’d date someone’s 18 year old son. He’s agile, sexy and I don’t mind cooking all his meals. Anyone older than that needs to come to the table with something. I’m not asking for you to take care of me, I’m asking you to take care of you. Then maybe we can talk about us.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Pay Yo Fare
Posted by CocktailOur at Thursday, March 07, 2013 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: How To Never Get A Guy...But Still Try, Thought of the Day, You My Sista Girl
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
We Are Not The Same...I Am A Martian
This morning I came across an article about a 6 year old boy whose parents are suing his school district.
Before I begin this post I need you to understand that this is half my blog and I can write what I want. Before you decide to attack me for my opinions I need you to understand that I am quite skilled in the art of malicious attacks and I will win. I'm glad we got that out of the way.
What is this boy's parents suing the school district for? Because he's living his life as a girl and they won't let him use the little girls' bathroom. I will not go into whether or not a 6 year old boy should be living his life as transgendered. I don't even have the time nor energy for that conversation. I would, however, like to discuss why I think it's wrong for this kid's parents to wage war on this school. I'd like to mention that the school did offer the little boy the option to use the nurses' and teachers' facilities but his parents declined. They feel that he should be afforded the same opportunities as other little girls his age. That's perfectly fine...except he's not a little girl.
I am totally with the idea that some kids are just born gay. I've grown up with some kids who vogued out of the womb. What I'm not okay with is the idea that because you suffer an adversity that it means everyone around you must adjust to accommodate your adversity. This kid's parents have zero consideration for the fact that demanding "equality" for their kid could possibly mean a very unnecessary shake-up for a lot of 6 year olds. I know what you're saying...these kids will have to accept the fact that there are transgendered people living among us. I totally agree...but not at 6. It really really bothers me that parents use these very innocent children as martyrs for their own causes. Do you think this kid wants to be the crusader for all kid trannys? I doubt it. He just wants to live and be a happy, accepted kid just like the rest of the stupid little children in the world. Instead of thrusting your child into an environment where he will suffer why don't you put him where he's loved and accepted? I know that he'll have to learn to adjust to the resistance at some point...but not at 6. At 6, these parents should be instilling in this child the idea that he is loved, and beautiful...not different. The other lessons will definitely come later. Call me crazy, but I'd be in no hurry to throw my child into the lion's den. If their kid was deaf would they just send him to public school and demand that the school creates a class for deaf children? No. They'd send him to a school where there are teachers who specialize in the education of children with hearing issues. I hate to compare being gay (which we aren't even positive that this kid is) to a disability, but it is what it is. In the world we live in this is not considered "normal". That's life. Life isn't fair, life isn't forgiving.
When we (blacks) couldn't go to their schools, join their organizations or shop in their stores, we created our own. Guess what it did? It worked. It made us happy. It made us comfortable to be able to just sit at a desk and learn without having a book thrown at the back of our head. Eventually things changed...we integrated. But having that option made the transition a whole lot better. Please stop using these kids as pawns to change the world. Being a martyr should be a choice.
Posted by CocktailJay at Wednesday, February 27, 2013 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: A Very Sad Day, Oh...A Bitch Can Get Deep, What Would Ja Rule Do?
Friday, February 15, 2013
Shopping For A Glass House
Tell em Corinne...
Posted by CocktailJay at Friday, February 15, 2013 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: How To Never Get A Guy...But Still Try, Oh...A Bitch Can Get Deep, This is harder than I thought, You My Sista Girl
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Act Like A Lady, Date Like A Man
Steve Harvey doesn't care about black people. Okay. Maybe he does, but if he cared about black women like he says he does then his book would've been called "Act Like A Lady, DATE Like A Man." Let's face it. Most of his book was probably a crock of BS, but he was right about at least one thing. Women need help learning how to date.
Now who you date is your own responsibility. I really can't help you in that department. What I can tell you is that my dating life is the most fulfilling right now than its ever been. How, you ask? I'm dating like a man. A friend of mine gave me some great advice a few months ago. I thought I was only half-ass listening to it, but turns out I subconsciously adopted some of her ramblings. I'm going to give you a very short list that will almost instantly fix most dating issues you're having right now. Ready? Here it goes:
- Date a LOT of men. You're single. The reason you get so caught up in being rejected when dating is most likely because you're dating one person. You're sitting around waiting for the attention of this one person and he knows it. Newsflash...the more men you date the happier you'll be. Everyone is fighting for a spot which means more free dinners, more nights out and more gifts. Not to mention the less time you spend with a man the more he seems to want you. Why pretend to not have time for him when you can really be out not having time for him?
-Use somebody. I know this sounds mean, but men do it. They always have that one woman they know they have no intentions on being with but can use her for sex while they're whining and dining the women they really want to be with. Take a cue from them. The reason you'll be desirable to the men you really want is because you won't be sleeping with them. You won't need to because you'll have your fuck dummy. I know it's harsh, but all is fair in love and war.
-Don't let them dwindle. I know it's difficult but you must press on. What usually happens is we may start off with an arsenal of guys then they kind of start to fall off one by one. Usually this is because you start to take more of an interest in one guy. You start to spend more time with him and before you know it, you have a one man team. You can't let that happen. Why? Because you'll never give the other guys a chance. If you follow your feelings you'll just end up with the same type of guy you ended up with in the last three relationships. They were essentially the same guy right?
-Don't rush it! The most important advice I can give you. Women want to rush everything. Don't put time limits on everything. Just because you've been dating for 6 months doesn't mean you have to be exclusive. Let things go where they may. If you are dating enough men then timelines won't even matter to you anymore. You'll be too busy to worry about when you can call him your boyfriend and have to deal with silly shit that wouldn't even exist if you were smart enough to just enjoy being single.
Anyway, that's it. Have fun being a hoe!
Posted by CocktailJay at Tuesday, January 15, 2013 2 comments Links to this post
Labels: How To Never Get A Guy...But Still Try, It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Blue Eyed Soul
This summer I was graced with the opportunity to see Allen Stone live at the Virgin Mobile Free Fest. Let me just say that blue eyed soul is back! You know we don't hold out here at CocktailOur, so here it is...thank us later.
(P.S...if you have ADHD and don't think you can sit throughout the entire video, just scroll to the 4:00 mark)
Posted by CocktailJay at Tuesday, October 30, 2012 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Drink Specials, James Brown Y'all, On the iPod
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Can I Get This In A Size 7?
Posted by CocktailJay at Tuesday, October 23, 2012 1 comments Links to this post
Labels: Further Proof That Men Are Pigs, How To Never Get A Guy...But Still Try
We're Not So Different
It really bothers me to hear “men” say that they’ll cheat on their girlfriend but not their wife. It’s actually funny that a guy would think that he’ll mysteriously stop fucking around on a woman once she becomes his wife. NEWSFLASH stupid ass…it doesn't work that way! If she’s not good enough for you to be faithful to pre-marriage, she won’t be after you've spent $20,000 to say “I do”.
the same.
Posted by CocktailJay at Tuesday, October 23, 2012 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Further Proof That Men Are Pigs, How To Never Get A Guy...But Still Try
Friday, September 14, 2012
A Hungry Wolf Will Hunt
Posted by CocktailJay at Friday, September 14, 2012 1 comments Links to this post
Labels: How To Never Get A Guy...But Still Try, Oh...A Bitch Can Get Deep
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Just Like In The Movies...
Posted by CocktailJay at Tuesday, May 01, 2012 0 comments Links to this post
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Blacks Only
The thing that inspired me to write this post, however, is what Pat Buchanan said in his book about Blacks in the segregation era.
“Back then, black and white lived apart, went to different schools and churches, played on different playgrounds, and went to different restaurants, bars, theaters, and soda fountains. But we shared a country and a culture. We were one nation. We were Americans.”
I don't want anyone to think of this as a racist rant. I just have no sense of political correctness. Can't we be real and see things for what they truly are? I'm all for people voicing their opinions. I'm usually not offended by racism, sexism or any of the other isms. Ism's aren't the things that should bother us. Injustices should. I respect people who openly declare their prejudices. Why cower and hide it? If you feel a certain way about something, say it loud! ::does James Brown shuffle:: I feel that people should be able to voice their opinions as long as it's in a civil manner. In my opinion, I'd rather know that my co-worker is an outright racist, than to have to suspect it and not be sure of whether to steer clear of them or not.
Instead of wasting time #Occupying stupid areas of our cities that don't seem to bother anyone, try looking for real ways to improve our conditions. Have a pow-wow with the Native Americans and the Jews to see how they are fairing. I'm sure much better than the rest of us.
Posted by CocktailJay at Sunday, November 06, 2011 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: James Brown Y'all





