The Power of Peni (According to some dummy...that's Plural for Penis)

Have you ever done some dumb crap that you know you had no business doing but couldn't figure out why? CocktailOur has discovered that most of the dumb things done, by women, can be attributed to one thing, and one thing only...THE PEEN! If you've done anything on this list, don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. Apparently you can't escape the Power of Peni.

New Peen will make you...

...Settle. As long as you can have the peen, who needs a relationship?

...Drunk text. Well actually liquor makes you drunk text...but you're still texting peen!

...Date a deadbeat dad

...Cook...and you know I don't cook

...Feel like a woman. Have you dressing up for no reason like a dummy.

...Clean your house (just in case the peen pays a surprise visit)

...Stock up your refrigerator with real food...fruits, vegetables & meats (you know...just to make you look good)

...Prove that you can handle the peen. It got you going to Strip Aerobics classes & stuff.

...Make you wear matching panties...make you wax more...hell, peen will keep you on your toes!

...Make you watch Sports Center...running down stats and ish.

...Buy beer

*Note, the following only applies to GOOD peen

...Put your friends, plans and work on the back burner.

...Do some shit you know you can't do (chandelier swinging...balling into a pretzel...licking your own butt)

...Send naked photos of yourself to his cell phone

...Bump random chicks in the club and stalk them on Facebook because you saw them say hi on his wall.

...Pretend you like his mother when you know you hate that hoe...good peen makes you bite your tongue. (Figuratively & Literally)

What are we missing ladies? What has good peen made you do?

Ustream-ing and I'm Thinking of You

"If you're not with your significant other 5 days out of 7, you're sharing that individual with someone". I heard this today on ustream. The idea here is that we are all sharing our partner; most times without our knowledge. It is said that during the introductory period illusions replace truth. In keeping with this, small lies may be told. Especially when faced with big ticket questions like: are you seeing anyone else or are you ready for a relationship? The ustream host suggested most men lie about their dealings with other women. I suppose "I like you and you're the only one" sounds a lot better than "Oh seeing anyone else? Well (pause) you're about the fourth woman I took out this week." So, we (men and women) lie to acquire what we desire. *

From the male host's perspective, it is safe to believe the person you're interested in has other options. It is also wise to believe he’s putting those options to good use. Unfortunately, partly because we can't handle brutal honesty, men omit.** Since a plus one is really only attractive when responding to an invitation, most women will move along. True! Well sort of true. It honestly depends on what a woman is looking for and where she is in her life.

All this UStream-ing made me wonder. . .do women really want the truth? Sure we say we do. "If he's seeing someone else, I need to know." Then when we find out (catch a man cheating) we either: suppress or accept its presence.

So ladies if you met a man you were interested in. Went on a few dates, thought you two had something special and were anxious about the possibilities; would you stay around to be number 4?

Suppose one day over dinner you have the expectation talk. You know the one when he asks what you're looking for in a man and you run down your checklist. He listens intently, just the way a man should. Pauses for a second and replies:

"I am not the kind of dude you want right now. I'm dating other women and if you decide to kick it with me, you’re entering a contract. The contract outlines my unwillingness to settle down. Understand you're not the only one. Someday when the smoke clears and the dust settles I’ll be ready. I'll be everything you're looking for and more! But right now I like you, but not just you"

Tell me, would you still date this man? Men, would you ever be that honest? Is it more important to hear what you want or what you need? I know a lot of women who would hear what this man is saying without truly listening. Some sort of way we’d morph this into a challenge. Only to be disappointed when we find out we couldn’t change his mind. I’m curious. In the end, how important is complete honesty?

* Women generally don’t lie about how many men we’re seeing. We may however adjust our partner history to one that looks a bit more favorable.

** They also omit because, well they’re men.

Thinking In Pig Latin

I wonder if backwards thinking is something you have to grow out of & how many of us actually make it out of this delusional state.

I had a conversation with a friend and he told me a story of how he had put tons of energy into wooing a girl who wasn't into him. He bought her gifts and made her things, really really sweet and heartfelt gestures, and in turn she went and got herself a crappy boyfriend. Naturally, after trying his best to win her over and being rejected, his feelings were hurt. When I asked him if he has done any of those things for the woman that he is currently seeing he stated something to the effect of "no, because she already likes me". Huh? So let me get this right. You treat a woman who clearly doesn't like you like a queen, but the one who is obviously smitten by you is treated like a peasant? How is this right? More importantly, how can you be mad at the woman who didn't like you when you knew she didn't like you to begin with? Who's fault was it that you pursued a woman who didn't want pursing? It's basic math.

Logical: (she likes you) + (you like her) = treat her well

Illogical: (she doesn't like you) + (you like her) = treat her well until she likes you

Logical: (she doesn't like you) + (you like her) = Eff that hoe & keep it moving

I'm pretty sure that this man isn't stupid. I'm starting to wonder how many of our issues could be solved if we actually thought about things before we did them. When will we learn to strategize in life, instead of just living? How many of us actually sit down and think about things logically instead of being driven by our emotions? I'm inclined to believe that life would be much easier if we would just take the time to think things out.

You Have New Follower Requests

In a low-activity job such as mine, Twitter, Facebook and blogging have become my new bff's. They keep me company, provide entertainment and often give me someone to interact with during my downtime. Naturally, we spend a good deal of time together. Unfortunately, in this digital age, I am not the only bff of the social medias. So what happens when our family, friends and sexual partners enter into our digital lives? How much is too much togetherness in the digital world?

More importantly, what do you do when an innocent friendship blossoms into more after you're already socially connected by the networks? How do you say, hey...I have to unfollow you because I can't bear to see what you and @ilickitgood24 are discussing? What is the proper way to say...I'm sorry, we can no longer be facebook friends because quite frankly...I don't want you in my business and I don't want to see yours?

I'm perplexed. Life is too complicated. Can't we just go back to the days of cans & strings? It was all so simple then.

Want What You Can't Have

Recently I went to a family member's wedding. Weddings typically make me cry, but since I arrived more than an half hour late I made it through the entire ordeal tearless. That is until I saw my high school crush. I don't want to paint the picture that I'm still in love with this man. I mean actually I never was. What can you possibly know about love in the ninth grade. And by you, I mean me. I hadn't even had my first real kiss (I know I was a late bloomer). I may not have known much about sex and the way those activities worked (lol it's funny just thinking about it) but I certainly knew how to spot an attractive man. Mr. "Name withheld to protect me from embarrassment" you are certainly an attractive man. I remember writing him a letter disclosing my feelings for him, which he later showed to the girl he chose over me to prove there was nothing going on between us. If it sounds painful and embarrassing to you, imagine living through it. I remember.. . .wait now that I think about it. . . .why am I writing this again? I mean sure you look nice, but you're poison. High school poison to be exact. lol.

Ahh it sure was nice to see you.

The Jealous Friend

There's nothing worse than a jealous friend. You know, someone that doesn't like to listen to your good fortune. When you share your happy stories, they get quiet or pause and say something like "that's nice" or a dry-ass "really". Don't you hate that person. Just want to kick them in the shin? Well I'm that friend!! LOL! My girlfriend's new man is running circles around my stale relationship and I can't take it! Every time she tells me a story about how thoughtful he is or the sweet sh%t he says, I want to scream. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her. I truly am. But damn if it doesn't make me look at my relationship with a squinted eye.

I feel like making prank calls on my boyfriend's cell. lol!

I'm just venting.

Day 1: Digitial Cleanse

FAIL! *kanye shrug*

A Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred? It gets posted 3 weeks late. We intended to post this video prior to New Year's Eve, but life happens. *Kanye shrug*

This is an intimate look into the minds behind your favorite site. Grab some popcorn and be prepared to be thorougly entertained (or disappointed).

One At A Time People....One At A Time!

I just realized that I've been out of the dating loop for too long. I'm trying to remember back to when I was in, but its all a blur. I am aware that as young single adults we have a tendency to "play the field". We meet people, go out on dates and eventually get to know those that may seem worthy of more than a movie. Unless you're a Jonas Brother, this prolonged interaction may eventually escalate to some hugging, kissing and/or kinky sex. I do understand that most people "date" more than one person at a time. Why limit yourself right? Dating is only dating...its not a committed relationship.

Here's the tricky part. What are the rules of engagement when you are having a sexual relationship with someone who you're merely "dating" but not committed to? While I suppose I can see myself "dating" more than one person, I can't get with the idea of being sexually involved with more than one man at a time. So what does that mean? Does it mean that, ironically, my idea if non-commitment is actually commitment?

I don't understand. I'm lost and cold...

Where is Ja Rule?I need him to make sense of all this!

Please Excuse If I Come Across Rude

It is quite a culture shock to find out that everything you stood for was a lie. About a two years ago, I experienced the end of a very long and dysfunctional relationship. This summer, I began to get a little lovesick. Not for my ex-boyfriend, but for a man in general. I just missed the company and the dependability of having one at home. I always thought that I wanted another nice man who would rub my feet, take me out and cuddle with me at night. I had this idea in my mind for a while after almost a year of being alone. Then along came a spider…

He was rude, a tad bit aloof, made fun of me… and did I say rude? He said the weirdest things to me, wouldn't rub my feet and acted as if the world was his on rental to the rest of us. He and I didn't work because of other reasons. But I will say that despite those things, that man made me realize that what I thought I wanted, was not what I wanted at all. I want someone who’s funny, someone who shocks me, someone a bit over the top. Someone like…me. Who knew?

They always say that opposites attract…and I totally get it. But how long can you be around someone who is your polar opposite? How can it work if you don’t find the same things funny, or don’t handle situations the same? How long before opposites can’t function because they’re too different?

Anyhow, my quest has changed. It’s very unlikely that I’ll find a man who is just like me; and that's very disappointing. Hopefully I will come close. I’m actually wondering about what else I’ve been missing out on while I was looking for Mr. Nice.