Thursday, August 28, 2008

"He's So Dreamy, I Bet He Got Creamy"

Ace K is coming over! He's coming over? Yes, he's coming over. TGIF (thank God I’m fly) is a contemporary hit, receiving over 400 downloads on z-share. Yes, you heard us 400!! This playful mix of club ready beats and lollipop lyrics is bound to have you secretly living out your Eddie Murphy "My Girl Likes To Party All The Time" fantasies in your favorite hiding place. We can’t get enough of it! TGIF is a multitude of fun. So after you read this...go on line, get his rhyme, at this time. . .

Monday, August 25, 2008

You Picked Me Up When I Was Down....

Oh my goodness! I'm usually not one to laugh at another person's misfortune... However, JoJo's mishap has made my freaking day! I would be lying if I said that this wasn't the funniest thing I've ever seen. What's even funnier than what happens around the 1:50 mark, is the audience's commentary. Classic!!

LMAO...Crack is definitely wack ladies and gentlemen. It starts with a little tote of the sticky...Next thing you know, you're lying face down at a K-Ci & JoJo concert.

Just say no my friends...just say no.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Whats Mine Is Ours and Whats Yours Is Yours

This may be a little TMI for some of you, but as I was taking a shower today a thought crossed my mind. So I ran to my computer, butt naked, and typed this up so that I wouldn't forget :-)

Please keep in mind that I am only speaking from my own experiences. Do not send in any of those angry black man emails, because we're not for it.

In a booming age of independent women who have their own homes, drive their own cars, two jobs, work know....bad broads; why are there so many men quick to switch it up when the tables are turned? Some men run into hardships and a lot of good women are there, having their backs no matter what the situation may be. Perhaps you lost your job, lost a leg or just lost your damn mind. Whatever the situation, we're always there. When we're the bread winners, everything accumulated becomes a second thought. We open-heartedly support our men without contempt or complaint. Nor do we place claim on everything that our hard-earned money has purchased. However, as soon as you negros get on the come-up, and are finally able to provide for yourself and your family, you want to throw in our face what you've done. So what you bought that peanut butter?!... you didn't have anything to say when I was the #1 bread winner up in this joint. We all know that peanut butter is no good without bread (unless you use crackers, but they're the reason why you can't get anywhere now right?)

Here is a thought for you silly negros. A man and a woman are made to help and support one another. This is not a competition, its a joint venture. If you want your ego fed, take it to Bob's Big Boy because I'm not the one. If you want a wife, who is supportive and understands that a relationship is functional when both parties are growing TOGETHER then you've come to the right place. However, if you want to be NEEDED and depended upon then call up Plies and ask him for the spot to find all the bust-it-babies (not to be confused with busted babies, which will be discussed in a later post). We're tired of your man codes, and boy games. So until you grow the hell up, get your crap together and learn how to be a man, don't holla holla holla at myself or any of my friends.

In the previously quoted words of a scholarly man..."if you ain't on sit down"

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Run & Tell Your Friends

Have you heard the latest about Ms. Tyra Banks?!?! Tyra was spotted in LA last week with an unusual object in her hand, as reported by "insert your favorite gossip blog here". Apparently Ms. "Gotta have my face in every ANTM promo" loves to showcase her allegiance to an up and coming site...!! Now if it's good enough for a supermodel, it's good enough for the everyday average (you)!

**Disclaimer: Post actually written about my cousin Tyrone Banks, otherwise known as Tyra by his male company. Not a celebrity, yet equally as ovah!!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Generation V?

As my associate and I were discussing our latest vlog, a thought crossed my mind. Are we the world’s most technically advanced generation, or the laziest? Most recently we’ve developed digital versions of everything imaginable. From VJ’s to Vlogs. I mean, seriously, how hard was blogging? Was sitting on your lazy ass and typing a few paragraphs THAT exhausting? Did adding those links and finding photos to comment on become such a hassle? Have we become so fat, lazy and pressed for time that any manual labor is just too much? Whats next? Vooks? Great idea! Who needs to read when you can watch a vook?! Eff the universe…who wants to go green? I’m going digital!!

With that said, we at CocktailOur have comprised a list of things that will ultimately go digital!

-No longer will your cousin doing time at BCDC have to waste his commissary on paper and pens. Who needs that when he’ll be sending you a vletter? And while the vail man is here to deliver your vagazines, he has a couple of vills for you too. Damn vill collectors! You’ll get your money!! No bounced v-checks here. All this watching has gotten you famished. Let’s find the carry-out venu and order some food. Then, after eating, we’ll sit down with Jimmy Jr. and practice his valphabet. It’ll be good clean family fun


-vank you-

Raindrops On Roses

Every now and then we all could use some encouraging words. Just a little pick me up to help us get through our uniquely complex existence. For those of you searching to find your way. . . we offer this: ” Though we may not know what the future may bring, we should rejoice in its presence and make the most of the present”.

Live, Laugh, Learn, Progress.

Ahh Refreshing...

I happen to think Mos Def is one of the most underrated and overlooked talents this world has to offer. Not only is he a solid actor, he’s also one of the best musicians/lyricists/rappers/semi-singers/rock stars in the game. His discography should be a part of everyone collection. But for those of you who have been living under a rock or in a hopeless sea of Bust it Babyness. . .This bud’s for you!! Enjoy!

The New Black

As I sit here with friends discussing everything from fashion to men, I can’t help but wonder, is single the new black?

Black women are a marvel among generality. We are beautiful, strong and accomplished. We are educated. Most of us with bachelor’s degrees, Masters, PhD’s and certifications within our fields. We are responsible, loving, funny, understanding, supportive, sexy, respectable, respectful, classy and one of a kind. We are a precious commodity. Yet in the market we call love, black women are more undervalued than the American dollar.

There once was a time when men came a dime a dozen. Each worth a moment of your time and eager to please far beyond the bedroom. There once was a time when the word “relationship” didn’t serve as a relationship deterrent and neither did its cousin “commitment”. There once was a time when I didn’t have to begin each sentence like the introduction of a fairy tale. Love and happiness wasn’t just a song, it was a lifestyle. But no more. . . If I had a penny for every beautiful woman I’ve seen (or know) flashing the banner of singularity, I’d have enough money for those Brazilian booty implants men seem to love so much or at least some 20″ Chinese store Brazilian hair. But I digress. . .

Please don’t get this misconstrued. This post is not intended to serve as a complaint box or as one of my world famous rants about the lack of quality in the depleting resource we call men. (No angry black woman post here ladies and gents). Rather a thought provoking discussion.

Where are the quality men hiding?

Are relationships a thing of the past?

Are friends with benefits as good as it gets?

What happened to the perceived value of women?

Have we become just a big butt and a smile? (Thanks BBD)

And . . . .

Is Single The New Black???

Wanna Be On Top?

Miss Tyra and the girls are back for another go! I am SO excited. Nothing much to say about it…Just wanted to rejoice in another show to add to my pathetic line-up. You would think that with such an idle life, this blog would be updated more…Oh well.

Thats what ya get for thinking.

Lemmee Hold Sometin'

Damnit!! The next time I take a walk in the corporate downtown area, I expect someone to be polite to me! I find it really pathetic that everywhere I go, someone says “maam…do you have spare change that I can borrow”. Hell no I don’t! Why can’t you say, “maam…lovely day we’re having” or “maam…that’s a lovely dress you’re wearing” or even “maam…they sure are some big breast you have there”? Why is it always lemme hold something? The next time I suspect a beggar coming my way, I’m going to hit them up first! You got that Ned the whino? I’m asking YOU for a quarter! Let’s see how you like it when the holy shoe is on the other foot!

Habla Espanol

Recently Barack has been cited giving educational advice to our youth. Our President believes each of us should amp up our interest in education and learn an alternative language, specifically Espanol (no wonder seeing as how all of our supermarkets are rapidly transforming into supermercados).

Here at cocktailour we believe in the evolution of our community and decided to hire Hispanic correspondent Rosie Poorez to aid us in our bilingual quest.

Lesson 1- Phrases Every Woman Should Know



Me llamo

“My name is”

Mi papa del bebe siempre tarde con el dinero

“My baby’s daddy always late with the money”

I know you can relate. For more free (yet slightly unconventional) lessons, be sure to visit Rosie for her next lesson.

Hey Girl!!! Don't You Hear Me Tryna Holla?!?

An avid CocktailOur reader wants to know why men on the bus stop have the audacity to try to pick up women who are driving. She would like to be able to stop at the corner without the fine young gentleman waiting for the 51 all up in her grill. It got me thinking, so I decided to comprise a top 5 list of reasons why bus stop boy is tryna holla holla holla…

5. …his baby momma’s Solara or Accord is in the shop and you’re looking like a winner

4. …his car was in an accident and is now “being fixed” (like we believe that)

3. ...he needs a ride. Hell, it’s hot out here!

2. …the same reason why the hoodrat with the rooster hair and twelve inch acrylic nails wants an “educated man with class”.

1. …he actually thinks that you’re NOT a shallow whore who judges men based on what they drive. The nerve of him!

Get yourselves together ladies!! Don’t judge a man by his car. A man should be judged solely on how he treats you…and his shoe game!

The New Lauryn Hill...Minus The Crazy!

Jazmine Sullivan performed for the people at Seventeen Magazine, and I damn near cried. We (meaning me) absolutely love this girl! Check her out...she's soulful and all that jazz (no pun intended).

Album coming September 19th... download buy it!!

Jazmine Sullivan's Myspace Page

Don't Want No Short Short Man?!?

Yesterday I was talking with a friend and the topic of short men came up. It has come to my attention that there seems to be an abundance of short men in Maryland. I started to wonder if it's a regional issue, or if this epidemic is worldwide. Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with short men. I dated a short man for many years. He had Napoleon's complex and had the need to overcompensate for his shortness. It isn't necessarily a problem, but they never know when to just ask for help. How hard is it to say "Baby, can you give me the peanut butter from the cabinet...I can't reach it?" Anyhow, although I have no problem with dating short men, some of the tall girls out there very well do.

So I pose these questions to you.

Is height deficiency a regional issue?

Do you have a problem with dating short men?

If you have dated a short man, did he have the complex?

So many questions, so little time.