Thursday, November 27, 2008

Ask Doctors Shrim Pegg Phoo Young

We are not Doctors, but we listen to Dr. Dre...


Q: How long before you think it's okay to fart or #2 in your significant others presence?
After discussing this topic with colleagues, I have realized there are many perspectives regarding this subject matter. A friend of mine used to send her men home before embarking upon a powerful movement. I however feel no one should have to disguise a bodily function. I mean if we're in the middle of Pictionary, are you going to draw an exit sign to get me to leave? And who do you really think you're fooling when you randomly take out the trash or sprint to check the tire pressure on your car? I can smell what you're trying to hide Mr.! In my professional opinion I think it's never too early to enhance your relationship with natural essence. Use your manners, wash your hands and remember LOVE is in the air!
Rx prescribed by: Dr. Phoo Young
___________________________________________________________
Dr. Shrim Pegg & Phoo Young what can a guy do to get his swag?
In my expert experience many would offer several changes that a man can make to get his “swag”. The top of the list would all point to exterior changes such as a new wardrobe, new footwear, a nice haircut and maybe even cologne. However, I beg to differ. The single best piece of advice I can offer you is as follows: Land you a woman that no one would believe would give you the time of day; someone completely out of your league. Now, it is my opinion that you don’t even have to really date this woman. Just be sure to be seen at several public functions with her. She can even be your cousin (as long as no one finds out). Women tend to gravitate to men once someone remotely appealing dates him. You may be quite raggedy and tore down, but once the young ladies see you with someone that she considers to be on or above her level, it will be…how do you kids say?....”On and poppin.”

Rx prescribed by: Dr. Shrim Pegg

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Related Studies:
Jay-Z
Sean Combs
Biggie Smalls
Questions in this segment are submitted by cocktailour readers.
Submit your questions to cocktailour@gmail.com for your free psycho reading!

A Letter From the President.



My fellow A-Cuppers, I have good news and it comes in post format. "Breast aren't just for chickens anymore". As President and CEO of the It-tAy Bit-tAy Tit-tAy Commit-tAy, I've come to share with you my all time favorite item (drumroll please).... you guessed it, the push up bra! I'm not talking bras that take you from a Saki cup to having your cup runneth over with billage (boob spillage). Believe me that's not a pretty sight! I'm talking natural clevAge, with major sex appeal. If you're like me, you let them swang in the summer, but need a little enhancement in the winter. I totally understand. Here are my choice of bras that are sure to add a little frontal bump to go with those sexy winter pumps.
Go for the Plunge
Sasha Lace Plunge Bra
Deep Plunge Front
Push-Up Padding
All Over Lace
Tremendous Sex Appeal
$39.50
Sasha Leopard & Lace Plunge Bra
Deep Plunge Front
Push-Up Padding
Animal Print that takes you back to your roots!
$39.50
Paige With Lace Bra
Medium Coverage
Softest Push-Up for that realistic feeling
I call this the french maid bitty revival...Oh la la!!!
$34.50

Visit Aerie.com for more choices. . . the perfect bra makes all the difference between "Man look at that little boy's chest" and " Damn those are some small ass breasts".

Push On,

Bitsy T. Wonders
President & CEO
A Cups of America

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

How to Never Get a Guy...But Still Try

Good Day Lovelies!! Time for an introduction. . . It's the 'Serial Dater', E. Hope Forlon.


So where do I begin?? This corner is definitely called "How to Never Get A Guy, but Still Try!" for a reason. I have been known to never be alone for long, but also never quite catch a man! LoL so this will be a guide for you on what NOT to do, and situations to never let yourself get caught in! I'm currently single, and I've had nothing but bad luck with men, but I will never stop dating! I have PLENTY of stories to make you laugh! Of course they weren't funny at the time, but I live to make people chuckle as I relive them. . . Thanksgiving is here so. . . reminisce with me:


Since the holiday is upon us, I'll begin with the week before Thanksgiving two years ago: I finally had myself a man! LoL I knew he was no good, but I figure I'd work with him (Don't we all wanna be that woman who changes a bad boy into a good man?). He had a good job with the army, but selfish as a two year old! I felt more like his mother than his woman at times. Anyway I should've known he was on the crazy side when he told me he loved me after just two weeks of knowing each other! Please people, bear with me, I know I know. . .


Anyway we'd been going STRONG for like 3 months (trust me, that's a long time for me to be in a relationship). . . Thanksgiving was coming up, and I spent my little bit of money (cuz I was still a struggling super senior student in college) to send him home to Kansas (yes Kansas!) to be with his family for the Holiday. Really, I had just gotten tired of him whining about being homesick. So I wanted to go out with him before our long weekend apart, but he wanted to spend that Friday night with his boys. I'm not one to get jealous of the friends so I let him be. I went to the movies by myself, then went to Applebee's and got drunk by myself. I figured it was cool I don't care I had my man who'd definitely take care of my 'needs' when I got in! LoL


So called him when I was leaving the restaurant. Took a couple of tries but I finally got him on the phone: dead silence in the background::

Me: Baby, I'm drunk!

Him: What?? Who you get drunk with??

Me: No one! I'm by myself

Him: That's dangerous, don't ever do that again!

Me: I do what I want! You didn't wanna go out with me, so I went out by myself! I'm grown. (LoL, I'm a sassy drunk)

Him: Whatever Hope

Me: You coming over??

Him: I'm still dropping people off (still dead silence in the background, and usually his music is playing so loud I can barely hear him). . . I'll come by after I take everyone home.

(baby noise in background)

Me: What was that?

Him: What? I didn't hear anything. . . it was probably the radio.

Me: Okay. . . You know how I get when I'm drunk. . . come take care of meee. (LMAO. . . he was my man, I'm allowed to talk like that!)

Him: Be ready for me when I get there.


So I go home and of course I fall asleep and wake up 2 hours later and he still isn't there! Being the good girlfriend I am/was I called him to make sure he hadn't driven off the road somewhere! No answer. Call again in 5 minutes. . . still no answer. So after like half an hour of calling him, I'm worried by this time. So I put on my clothes, get in my car and start driving to his place. Something in me is convinced that things just aren't quite right. . . I call again on my way over there and this time he sends me straight to voicemail (for real?!)! So I'm MAD now! Forget being worried about him, something is up! I call again when I'm pulling up and he answers with some story about he fell asleep and he'll see me tomorrow. Oh NO! Little did he know, he'd be seeing me a lot sooner than the next day. . . but little did I know what was in store for me!


So I pull up in front of his apartment and there's a car parked in his space. . . definitely NOT his! So I park my car and investigate the matter. . . hmmm. . . the car looked kinda girly and had a baby seat in the back! Dudes don't ride around with their baby seats in the car and no baby. . . it's not cool.


Call 'Him' again and he doesn't answer. "What the hell is going on? Yo I'm outside your house right now and if you don't answer your phone I'm gonna kick your eF'ing door in!". . . next thing I know my phone is ringing (ya damn right!).

Me: What the hell is going on, whose car is that in your spot??

Him: Go home, Hope.

Me: Are you serious?? Not until you open the door

Him: I can't right now

Me: What do you mean you can't?!?! Yes you can!!

Him: I can't. . . I promise nothing is going on just go home

Me: NO! Open the eF'ing door! (I'm sooo censoring myself right now, cuz there were not abbreviations that night!) Who is in there with you???

Him: I can't explain it right now.

Me: You better try! (By this time I'm knocking and kicking on the door)

Him: Hope go home!

Me: If you don't come down here, I'm not leaving!

This black man. . . finally comes to the door. And do you know he had the nerve to come to the door in his boxers?? That's it though. No shoes, no socks, no shirt! Just boxers. Of course I'm furious when I see this!


Me: Where are your clothes?!?

Him: I was in bed!

Me: Whose car is that?? Who's in there with you??

Him: Go home.

Me: NO! Let me in!!

Him: No, go home, I promise I'll come over and explain it to you in a little while, just go home.

Me: NO! Explain it to me NOW!

Him: It's someone from my past. She came over and said she needed to talk. I was on my way to your house...

Me: What are you talking about? Where are your clothes?? And why can't you talk during the day?!

Him: She's a young lady that I met when I first came out here. I haven't seen her in a long time. When I got here she was parked outside. She says her baby is mine.

Me: Oh hell no! WHAT?? Where is she??

Him: She's asleep in the couch

Me: Let me in! Where the hell are your clothes??

Him: She fell asleep on the couch so I went to bed.


Of course I'm not an idiot! I don't believe anything he's saying. You mean to tell me, some woman you haven't seen in months is gonna come to your crib with a baby and just fall asleep on your couch?? He tried to tell me she put the baby to sleep and then then she fell asleep and he didn't want to make her go home cuz it was really late and cold. How the heck did she get there in the first place?? Wasn't it cold and really late when she got there?? Since he claimed he was out with his boys that night. . . So both of us are standing out there, it's freezing out there. I know he was cold cuz he didn't have any clothes on. But I refused to leave until he explained to me why he decided to take off all his clothes and go to bed with this woman in his house! Eventually I get fed up of just standing there and decided I was going inside whether he liked it or not! OMG, I have never in my life fought a dude before (it's unladylike and I only weigh 98 lbs on a good day!). . . but we were definitely out there FIGHT-ING! Putting on a show for his neighbors at 2:30 in the morning! I'm still surprised no one called the police on us. He was just adamant about not letting me in. I know that chick was not on the couch! And he was not darn near naked for no reason. It just didn't add up. If there's one thing I hate and cannot tolerate; it's a liar. I wanted to stomp the hell out of his bare toes with my shoes. . . hey I probably did. I don't remember, it's kind of a blur now. But in the end I was the sucker who went home and whoever she was, spent the night. :(

I was too through and thoroughly Pissed Off! Later for him! Just plain disrespectful.


UGGHHH! Crazy men are normal in my life (even though I probably looked like the crazy one in this story!). . . I find that they make for good stories to tell my friends later on! LoL My love life sucks but it's NEVER boring!!


And the search continues . . .


-E. Hope Forlon-


Monday, November 24, 2008

Ring Ring Went the iPhone...It Was My Homie.
























So recently I made the big switch from a Blackberry to the much coveted iPhone. People always ask me if I think I made the right choice. Being a huge tech head, I am still very much on the fence about that. The iPhone is a great gadget, but sometimes I find that i miss the functionality of my Blackberry. Each phone is unique in its own way, so I decided to outline the differences between the two. I can't tell you which item to buy, but I can give you my opinion based on your functionality needs.

Looks
I'll start with looks because the body of the iPhone is what keeps me leaning towards the idea that I made the right decision. Even if the iPhone didn't have the sleek, bright, scratch-proof screen, the actual body is very minimalistic and comfortable to use. Like its line of computers, Apple took the great approach to design a phone with the least possible amount of exterior buttons for you to screw and scratch up. The phone is very "adult" on the exterior.

Functionality
Unlike with the Blackberry, the iPhone has to retrieve your emails at designated intrevals. I have my phone set to the minimum of every 15 minutes. I must admit that I miss recieveing my emails the instant that they hit my inbox. That is the joy of Blackberry that I wouldn't mind regaining in the future. However, if you are a person who gets tons of junk emails every 18 seconds, then maybe the fetching technology that the iPhone utilizes is for you. In addition, the internet browser on the iPhone is amazing. Its just like using a computer, minus the pop-ups and spyware.

Fun
Now when it comes to fun, the iPhone wins hands-down. Material from the App Store and iTunes are availble for direct download from the phone through 3G or Wi-Fi. And, if you're a cheapskate like me, there are a crapload of FREE applications!! Yes, Free!! I can say that I have never had fun with my Blackberry. Unless you count the trading of nude photos with that one guy that time but....ahem....moving on...

Price
The phone is $199 for the 8GB model or $299 for the 16GB model. However, what they don't tell you is that you MUST be eligible for an upgrade at the time of purchasing the phone. If you are not eligible for the upgrade you will be paying $399 and $499 for the phone. Is it worth it? maybe, if they will include an update in the future that will allow it to wash my clothes. Then yes. But if not, then I'd wait for upgrade eligibility.

What Its Missing
Now, the downsides. The iPhone does not support cut & paste, nor does it support MMS messaging. Yes, you heard me. The iPhone does not allow you to send or receive picture messages. However, there is a work-around. You can email pictures to cellular phones. Therefore, under my contact's entry in the phone book I add an number that says MMS. So if my friend is a T-Mobile customer it says 1234567890@tmomail.net. When I email a photo to this number, the picture goes directly to their phone as if I sent a regular MMS message. Each phone carrier has this feature, so MMS isn't really missing, its just a pain in the ass to ask everyone which company they're with. But, if you aren't a big picture messager, then you're probably not too worried about this. Another feature that the iPhone doesn't support is tethering. If you don't know what that is...then you're not missing out on anything.

Synopsis
All in all...both phones are really great phones. After writing all of that bull, I have to say that I still remain on the fence. Oh the trials of a schizophrenic.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Don't Leave Me High

It seems the more versed I become, the less enchanted my heart is. Sure it’s fun in the beginning, full of flowers, candy, hand holding, and future molding. Yet somewhere between calling off the guards and letting someone in lurks 808’s and heartbreaks. Okay more like restraining orders and dish breaking, but you get the point. Perhaps I’m being a bit too personal, too introspective, too cynical, too optimistic, too expectational and now I’m just being too revealing. But one thing I know, for sure, I’m too sober, because none of this madness leaves me high.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Us Can Read...


The first installment in the CocktailOur Book Club is Eric Jerome Dickey's "The Other Woman". This book is a very great read. It's artistic, funny and suspenseful. Grab your copy and dive in. Next month we will have our 1st "Sex in the County" party where we will drink cocktails, discuss this book and most likely talk about a crap load of other things that shouldn't be posted on this website. You WONT want to miss it. 

Caution: don't think you're going to be playing it by ear for free drinks and food. You should probably READ the book. We're the only ones winging it here.

Remember...What happens in the living room of our choice, stays in the living room of our choice.

Please leave your email in the comments section of this post so that we can contact you about the date, time and location of our "Sex in the County" events.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Okay...So I THOUGHT Change Was A' Comin...


But I was wrong. Our first coverage of homecoming was an entire flop. It rained, the parties were lame and the weekend was an overall dead end. Maybe next year??!?