Wednesday, December 23, 2009

What Boredom has Taught Me

1. Celebrity blogs don't have enough updates

2. Work is really a ploy to help "the man" keep an eye on you

3. Water is most delicious when there's nothing else to drink

4. Holiday cards make for great origami

5. My phone never rings when I actually want to chat

6. Nick and Mariah will never mesh

7. My aversion to cover letters forces me to only apply to jobs that don't require them

8. My under arm hair keeps me warmer than my sweater
(note to self: more is always more)

9. There's no better role model than Amber Rose $$$$$

10. Fake butts trump substance every time

Monday, December 14, 2009

Is It Her or Is It Me?

Waiting in line at Dunkin Donuts can yield some interesting things. Usually it's a drug user trying to hustle a donut or a Caucasian person sparing none of the extras on their fracamochiato, yet ordering an egg white sandwich. Today however, wasn't quite as amusing. A young girl stood behind me. She's roughly 5'5, brown skin, long (weave) hair. She's dressed in colorful scrubs, presumably on her way to work. Her perfume consumes my senses and her voice, her voice pierces my ears. "Okay do you want to be with her or me?" she says. At that moment I realise I am only privy to a portion of what must have been an extensive conversation. "Huh, your phone is breaking up. Did you say you don't want to be with her?" she desperately cries out. A couple sighs follow and I decide to get back to my own life.

Do you want to be with her or me? Why do we give men so much power? It's like saying: "Hey I know YOU cheated, YOU lied, YOU slept with someone else, but I think YOU should make the final decision!" Huh? Believe me, I know walking away is hard when feelings are invested. Being cheated on is even harder. It plays with your psyche and preys on your ego. You catapult into this introspective state where you inadvertently blame yourself for his discretion. We compare ourselves to other women and struggle to understand his logic. In the end, although we're upset, we try to solutionize the bullshit. Solutionize, the act of developing a solution to an unsolvable problem. Think about it. You can't change what happened and you certainly can't change another person. We all know that. So what do we do? We accept, we accommodate, we "work on" ourselves. "Tell me why you did it? What aren't you getting?" C'mon! We forget all about the things we aren't getting. Like respect! Respect me enough to let me make a choice! Ladies let's all practice saying that in the mirror 5 times a day.

The story looks a little different when you don't have all the information. If your man is cheating, chances are you're the only one who doesn't know. Therefore at that moment all of your decisions are based on the "commitment" you two made. No harm there. But once you know, once you snoop through his things and find out. . . You have to make a decision. The rules have changed! Respect yourself enough to make a choice. Don't let him do it for you. Think long and hard about what you want from a relationship. What are your expectations? Was cheating in the plans? Is it acceptable? Can it be overlooked? Do you get a free pass? I mean hell, if he can why not you? Spare me the "two wrongs don't make a right" garbage. Neither does one wrong, but no one ever brings that up.

Make some decisions for you. No matter what they are. Take him back if you like. I'm not here to judge, but make sure you're doing it because you really want to. Don't do it because you're afraid of being lonely or you're insecure or you have the misconstrued idea that all men behave this way. Not at all. That's a conscious decision. It's not an illness, not biological. It's something we all possess. Selfishness! Pure selfishness, not the filtered kind. We all have it. I say this to my gentlemen callers all the time, "Everything you do, I could do with less effort!" Think about it ladies. For every one woman a man pursues, at least 3 men pursue you. That means if your boyfriend picks up 3 girls a day, you could have 15 gentlemen callers. It's simple math. (Now I won't give the illusion that you'll like all of them, but quiet as it's kept men don't like all the women they pick up. They all just serve a purpose).

Don't sell yourself short. Listen to your instincts. They're annoying mainly when your wants don't match your needs but, they won't steer you wrong. I wish I could have reached out to that young lady and said something more than "You have a gray string in your (weave) hair.", but unfortunately I didn't. Besides, she probably wouldn't have taken to kindly to my ease dropping or judgement.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Stop Fooling Yourself

Recently, I've been hearing a very familiar question from a lot of guys. Guys of all shapes, sizes & nationalities seem to be plagued with the same staggering issue. "Why don't women like good guys?". Usually I just lie and make up excuses about why this may be. But no more!!! I have turned over my lying ways and I will share with you, my friends, the truth!

You ready?

Brace yourself...

Maybe you aren't as good of a guy as you think.

Thats it. No elaborate explanation, no good man ego feeding and no "you'll appreciate it more when you find a good woman" bullcrap. I used to ask the same question about men. It plagued me as to why men always say that they want a good woman, but never appreciated me when they got me...they dropped the ball. Then I realized that I was only an okay woman. I nagged, I was mean and uber non-affectionate. I was a man in a skirt. A transexual.

I digress. I think we should all use our brains when it comes to this situation. Do you honestly believe that a man or woman who proclaims to be, and is, such a good catch will stay on the market long? Heck no! All of the good men I know are taken. So maybe you should look at yourself and evaluate your goodness honestly and objectively. You may not be as tasty as you think.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Give Me My 40 Acres!

I'm thinking about drafting up a pre-sexual agreement for future use. Why should the married gals get all of the money when us single ladies put up with just as much crap? I want my $150 too!

Picture this...dark house...nothing but a movie on...a little tipsy...he's rubbin on my thigh...starts to kiss my neck...I kiss his...then move to his ear...there's tongue action...he's getting hott...I'm getting hott...I get on top...we're kissing...its getting good...buttons are loosening...skirts coming off...we're down to underwear people...he lays me on my back...kisses down my stomach...licking my thighs...his hands are so strong...he goes to pull the panties...then....pause. I pull out the paper.

*my sexy voice & bedroom eyes* "Do you think you could sign this pre-sexual agreement? Its just a little requirement that I have before intimacy. It's okay if you don't want to sign it. We don't have to have sex if you don't want to."

So?...considering the circumstances, how many fools will sign that paper? I can name several. Can you?

Edit: One of our faithful readers would like to know what said agreement would look like. Here is a draft.

By signing this agreement you herby attest that you have not lied about anything discussed between you and the issuer prior to the signing of this agreement. Should the issuer of this contract become aware of any lies, stated or implied, then she is eligible to receive a lump sum monetary compensation not to exceed $1500.

Furthermore you attest that you are not currently in a relationship with any other human being. If, after this sexual encounter, one of your bitches (girlfriend, wife or other) contact the issuer of this contract by any means staking claim of you as a significant other; you will be obligated to pay the issuer $200 for each month that the two parties were sexually involved.

In addition, if it is discovered that you have any unusual mental or sexual tendencies that were not disclosed prior to the signing of this agreement, you agree to pay the designated fee as stated in paragraph 2.

If you agree to the terms of this agreement, please sign where indicated line below.




Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Everything They Told You Was True

I am ashamed to say that I don't take much of anything seriously. Even the most common of warnings go in my right and out of my left. Today, however, I got a cute little wake up call in the form of a Twitter follower.

Aaaah Twitter, the wonderful platform for you to voice your opinions, build a following and quite possibly brand yourself. A couple of months ago, due to strange stalking activities, I made a decision to "protect my tweets" by making my Twitter profile private. The consequence? A decrease in my follower requests. Now, what fun is Twitter if you don't have a gang of ninjas walking with your clique though? So, to increase my followership (yes, I made that word up), I unprotected my tweets. Bad move!

Listen to me carefully. If you are currently in the process of finding employment, changing careers or even in the middle of a legal battle protect every social network you have! Unfortunately, I have been known to say a few inappropriate things here and there. Imagine my surprise to discover that my interviewer had began to follow my tweets. Protected & Blocked! But was it too late? I suppose I'll find out tomorrow during my interview.

Although I understand the purpose, I find it quite unfair that employers dig so deeply into the personal lives of employees. Your freedom of expression and interaction is hardly a fair trade-off for a decent paying career. Hardly fair. What's next? Will I be fired for wearing thongs? Are high-cut briefs the only acceptable undergarment for the workplace? Protect your panties people! The man is ah lurking.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Music: Food For The Soul

The things that good music does to my soul are unspeakable. The right song at the right time can change the world. Of the many things that he's given me, I find myself thanking GOD for music the most.

Stop Being Selfish!

The holidays are a very rough time for a lot of people. We urge you to get off of your butt and do something for someone else over the next few months. From donating a few canned goods to handing out meals to the homeless; every little bit helps. Got pets or kids? Make it a family project! Take them to the children's hospital and visit the sick. You'd be amazed at the difference a puppy or another kid could make to a child who is suffering. If you're not as creative as some of us, there are great websites that can assist you (Volunteer!).

Remember! "What goes around, comes around" doesn't only apply to those who do wrong. When you do good, good comes back to you.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Who Got My Back? I Got Yo Back...

...(Thats a football chant in case you didn't pick up on it)

In the past I have had my fair share of situations regarding the opposite sex and the idiotic things that they do. Typically, since I am a woman, these situations usually involve one man and two women. In some instances the women knew nothing of one another. In other instances one woman knew of the other. And in equally typical instances both women knew of one another. Regardless of the combination there seems to be two constant factors in these types of situations

-A man who has lied to both women at sometime in these relationships
-and two women who almost always end up attacking (verbally or physically) one another.

I have tried and tried, but I can not understand how this is still happening. After all of the things we encounter on a daily basis not only as women, but especially as black women, why don't we hold one another down? Or should I say up. Second to black male/female relationships, it seems that non-sexual female/female relationships are in the saddest state imaginable. I wonder if it has something to do with the reaction you get when you try to help another woman.

Against the better judgement of my friends, I happen to be a woman helper. Regardless of how many times I've been backstabbed and toe-jammed helping another woman; I'm always there again with my arm extended to help another one with her knife in hand. Captain Save-A-Dummy. After every situation I claim that I'll never help another, and yet again I fail. The thing that pains me the most is that MEN, the ones who are usually causing the tension, look out for one another. They have man codes and laws, no matter how stupid, and they abide by them. What is our problem? If they can do it why can't we? Why do we have to name call, bad-mouth and tear down a woman after she's told us how untrustworthy our man is? Why cant we be appreciative and thankful, instead of spiteful and angry at the woman who is just as much a victim as we claim ourselves to be? Why don't we consider that the situation is just as difficult for her as it is for us? It's bad enough that he will continue to lie, blame-shift and deny responsibility for his actions. Why must we also vilify and defame her character so that we can feel a little better about the decision we've made to stay and play the fool once again?

I thought I'd never say this, but...Why can't we be more like men? for your listening pleasure...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Biggie...Give Me One More Chance

I was listening to the radio this morning and this question was posed: "How many chances should one get in a relationship?" There was a range of answers from "everyone deserves a second chance (a woman)" to "it depends on what the women in the immediate vicinity look like (obviously a man)". I started to think about it but I just couldn't. I already knew my answer. You get no second chances! It's my opinion that if you'll do it once you'll do it again. In addition, why are men always the ones asking for a 2nd chance? If you so much as even think about another man, they write you off as damaged goods.

My philosophy? One strike and you're out. It's much easer to get out of a relationship after the first mistake. Once they realize that they can get away with it once, nothing stops them from doing it again and getting back in the same way they did previously. Before you know it you're on chance #7 and seven months pregnant. Don't do it ladies. Just say no to 2nd chances! Get out while you can.

Uhm. . . Okay, but I was expecting MORE

Sooo have you ever had sex with someone and remember it being the best thing ever?! You build this huge anticipation for the next giddy-up but when you do it. . . ehh not so much.

I hate those total let downs! A recent encounter made me never want to do it with this person again. I couldn't even get excited enough to continue after a while. It was like the Sahara Desert down there! My mind started wandering and I was going back in my memory bank trying to remember "was I drunk the last time?? Was he?? Okay, now what can I do to speed this up a bit"Maybe next time give him a shot of ginseng and an energy drink!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft...Oh My!

This may not do anything positive for my campaign to be nice, but I have to get it off my chest. Feel free to judge me, I don't care...

I can't stand depressed people. They kind of disgust me. Everything about them makes me sick. If you're depressed, why not be alone? Why do you have to come all up in my space and affect my mood? Stay your ass home, don't work and especially don't call me. Despite all of the things going on in my life, I am a fairly happy person. Don't get me wrong, I have been depressed before. When I was, I stayed home and tried not to interact with other people. I didn't answer my phone and made every attempt at fixing my issues without burdening others. Yes, I have my down days sometime, but overall I'm good. I think its very selfish of depressed people to come out in such a state. If you're down, stay your down ass away from the general public. Depression is, in my opinion, just like H1N1. It's a danger to everyone who comes in contact with it. You know whats the worst thing about depressed people? They actually WANT to be depressed. They listen to depressing music, and drink wine that makes them feel even worse about whatever was bothering them to begin with. Do me a favor. If I know you, and you're depressed, remember that it's your issue. I'll attempt to help you in any way as long as you're willing to pull it together and fix your attitude. Why drag everyone else into this? I don't want to feel guilty about being happy and laughing at Family Guy. I don't want to have to tiptoe around my crass jokes as to not offend you. If I wanted to do those things, I'd go to church. These are the issues I'm plagued with when you're moping around me and crying. Cheer up and think about how selfish you're being.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Your Pants Are On Fire

I've been called mean, evil and a flat out bitch. Regardless of how much I attempt to be the opposite of those things, I have a hard time escaping those labels. Despite of all the mean and incorrect things that people say about my disposition, I find myself in the same category as everyone else...overly accepting. We as people tend to be the most naive and forgiving imaginable. I understand that we don't want to be judgmental. We don't want to make others pay for the sins of the previous. However, we see all the signs that someone is untrustworthy, irresponsible and just a plain old poser; yet we ignore them until it effects us in some way. I wonder how many busted lips, hurt feelings and burned down homes could've been avoided if we would just listen to the warning signs. When you meet people there is a learning phase. I can almost guarantee that you can know most of what you need to know about a person within a month's worth of interaction. Here are some clues for you.

If everything that happens to them is someone else's fault, then they're blame for CherryHill.

If they have only negative things to say about their past partners, then they're only going to say negative things about you when you're done too.

If their stories constantly switch and they want to swear you down that you're mistaken about what they've said, then most likely they are a liar.

I guess the key is recognizing the patterns and stopping the fling before it starts. Its easier to get out of it after a few months then after a few years. The only thing I can't figure out is how you can distinguish between someone who really has had bad luck in relationships or else wise, from someone who causes the bad luck. Or someone who doesn't clearly express them self from someone who is a flat out liar.

I guess thats why they call it learning. Got any tricks to share?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Consider This A Warning...

After the fiasco over at French Kissez I think it's only fair that I give you all a warning. I have no regards whatsoever about your feelings, your reputation or your ego when it comes to my relationship with you. I am not CocktailKay or CocktailTee. I am the infamous CocktailJay. Most of those things they say about me is true. So listen up...

-If you do something wrong to me...I may blog about you.

-If you do something right...I just may blog about you.

-If you do something that effects me in any negative way...I will probably blog about you.

-If you lie and tell me that you are not in a relationship, and I find out that you are; not only will I blog about you, but I will put your real name in it, repost it on Facebook and ask all of my friends to retweet it. Ask Jamar.

-If you're my friend and you do or say some ignorant nonsense that deserves blasting... here you come.

Please let this serve as a warning. If you don't want to be put on blast... don't do stupid shit to me. It's easy as pie. Because when I'm not regarded, neither will you be.

mmmmkay?...I'm glad we're on the same page.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Teach Your Kids It's Not A Dirty Word

The other day my friend mentioned to me that she was going on a date with a guy that she met. This should have been special because it was to be their first date and should have set the precedence for future dates. Should have...

Disclaimer: As many of you know, we have the strangest and most eclectic group of friends imaginable. With that said, please don't judge us based on this entry. Granted, I have my issues, but this isn't one of them. Lol...

I digress. So my friend decides that she wants to go to the movies for her first date with this man. Naturally, he gives her the opportunity to choose which movie she would like to see. Because she's such a sissy, this eliminated anything remotely scary; which left two movies. Of the two movies, the one that she wanted to see happened to be playing at the $2.50 movie theater. Great, saves money right? WRONG. This lady proceeds to call this man and tell him that he's going to have to take her to dinner before the movie to supplement the cheap ticket price. Huh? Look, I'm all for gold digging, but are we really at the point where there is no need to hide it anymore? Let me know so that I can stop pretending to pay for the first dates. Please. I could be using that money for more important things.

So here are my questions. Ladies, is there a minimum amount that you think a man should spend on a date? Specifically the first date. Men, what would you do if this trick...I mean lady, did this to you? Would you be offended?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I love you Diana Ross!

I have a confession to make. I am a glam junkie. Anything that upgrades my beauty, increases my sexuality or just plain makes me feel good then I'm all for it. I think thats why I'm so horny for November 7th (I know...I blushed when I typed that). The very creative Kellie from KelEvents has teamed up with Caesar's Photography and a wonderful group of vendors to bring us "Mahogany." Mahogany is a showcase of all things fabulous. Lets see:

Sexy & sensual shoots from Boudior Photography...
Products from the famed Polly Pearl Boutique and celebrities favorite Belabumbum...
The hawtest products from Steelo Cosmetics...
and a One-on-One with Shakera Morgan of Allure Image Consultants!

I're moist. But those highlights aren't even the best part...are you ready? Are you sure?

Wait for it...wait for it..........................................ITS FREE!!

I know. I'm the best. Thank me when you see me at "Mahogany."

Saturday, November 7, 2009
2:00 pm – 6:00 pm
2828 10th St Washington DC 20017

(P.S. If you didn't get the title...Mahogany is a movie, lol)

Friday, October 2, 2009

Yes (Wo)Man

I have a secret to share. . .I'm a pretty secluded person. Although I am people person, I don't particularly like people. I know that doesn't make much sense. Actually, that's not entirely accurate. I like people, but only on my terms. What does that mean exactly? It simply means people serve particular purposes in my life. When I need a listening ear, my friends are there to listen. Even if I haven't spoken to them in months. When I want to hang out, some people decide to hang out with me (even though I may not answer the phone when they call). In short, I'm a pretty awesome friend!! haha. . .or not. I told Cocktail Jay about this a few weeks ago and now I'm going to share it with you. For the entire month of October!! You heard me right, the ENTIRE month (minus some select days that I already have plans) my schedule is wide open to anyone!! I mean it. Whatever event, book club, chess match, public forum, or karaoke someone invites me to; I am attending. And I don't mean pretend attending, which is something I've totally mastered. I'm the queen of saying I'll be someplace and never actually show up. lol.(Although I'm laughing, I'm really ashamed). I'm truly going to come! You name it, I'm there. On time!! I know what you're thinking, "Don't get carried away here, you're never on time". You're right, but this will be different!! So hit me with your best stuff. Dumpster diving? No problem. Horseback riding? Giddy up! As long as you live in the Baltimore area (and actually know me, I value my safety) I'm game!!

Leave your ideas in the comment section. Places you want to see me go or things you'd like to see me do (keep it clean) & I'll post pictures on the site. This should be fun!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A Big Butt & A Smile...

Most recently, I've become rather aware of the male physique. Only as I've matured, have my attention been drawn from an attractive face and nice shoes, to a great body and nice teeth or jawline. The older I get, the more sexually aware I become. The oddest thing struck me today. I was thinking about what it is about a man that drives me crazy. Like what is that one thing that you love about someones body? For a lot of men it would be butt or breasts, right? But women don't seem to have that much to choose from concerning the physical make-up of a man without getting too vulgar. The moment I pondered this question, I immediately knew my answer. The forearms. It's the strangest thing, but I love a man's forearms. Drives me crazy. I don't know if its because they signify strength to me, or if I'm just some kind of a freak. But I tell you, the littlest things about them make me so warm. Like the way that they're accentuated by his watch, or the way he rolls/pushes his sleeve up to his elbows or the way the veins move when he flexes his fingers...Um...Um.

What is your "thing"? What is it about the opposite sex's body that turns you on. Not the normal thing...that odd thing that most people may not get. Do tell...

Friday, September 18, 2009

Butterfly in the Skyyyyyyy....

I'm reading Dan Brown's new book "The Lost Symbol". If anyone would like to join me, here is your chance. He is a great author and his books are, in my opinion, the best fiction printed. Please don't let the cheesy Tom Hanks movies sway your opinion on his work. His books are sooooo much better than the movies. They're the perfect blend of fact & fiction...very informative and extremely intense. Be prepared to have everything you believe in effectively questioned and disputed. I'm convinced that his is the only fiction where you actually feel smarter after reading it. Amazing.

Anyhow...Pick it up at any retailer. I'm gonna add a link to the side so that you can pop in to discuss the book with me if you decide to read it. Maybe I'll post some questions or whatever to keep the convo going. Something tells me that I'm going to be talking to myself though. I'm sure CocktailOur viewers don't read...all two of you. Prove me wrong.

Just kidding.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I Have A Dream...

Have you ever had a dream that made you look at someone in a different light? Dreams can be so real sometimes. They can make you hate someone, and make you hump someone that you know you have no damn business humping.

My dreams have made me fall victim to a few dates that never should have been. But the most recent one...this is the big one. I think I'm gonna be joining Elizabeth after this one.

I'll keep you posted.

BTW...Am I the only one affected this way by wet dreams? How many of you have let someone gain an appeal point because of a steamy dream? I know somebody out there has been looking at Oprah a little differently after eating before bed once or twice. I can't be the only one.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

If you have time...

Wear white after labor day...who in the hell made that lame rule anyway?

Tell somebody to shut up. Sometimes people just need to be told to shut the hell up.

Splurge on something, even if its not for you.

Do something nice for someone.

Change something undesirable about you.

Acknowledge and admire three desirable things about yourself.

Take someone to lunch.

Try something new.

Go out alone...spend the day with yourself.

Let something go that you've been holding on'll feel 10 lbs. lighter.

and most importantly...tell someone about CocktailOur

Monday, August 31, 2009

Can I Add Cheese To My Double Standard?

Someone posted this video on Facebook today. When I initially watched it, my thoughts mirrored the comments of others who watched it. "Wow..this girl is pretty good". Then the cynic in me chimed in to say "but if she was black, this would be totally different". I don't know how many videos I've seen like this where viewers have been less than sympathetic to the little rhythmic black girl.

"But can she read?..."
"She'll be on a pole soon..."
"Where is she learning this from?..."
"This is a damn shame..."

The list of comments go on and on. I find it really strange that I saw none of these comments on this particular video. As a matter of fact, praises and kudos were thrown graciously to this little blonde girl who couldn't hold a dance candle to some other black children her age.

So my question is this...Why do we love or hate ourselves so much, that we are so critical of the things that our own people do? Yet we ignore those same things being done by those of other races.

White man taking groceries from a store in the eye of a flood...surviving
Black man doing the same...looting.

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Only Man I'll Ever Love...

Anyone who knows us knows that we love this man. He is the perfect blend of hilarious and smart.
I'm going to start a petition to bring him back! Who's with me?

No?...Ok. Enjoy anyway.

(P.S...Don't sleep on the host, James Lipton. He looks quite dry and corpse like, but he is very funny.)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

She Don't Have to Know. . .

Hey Lovelies!

I started writing this post the other day and it just became WAY too long. I thought to myself "No one is gonna sit here and read this!" LoL... so this is my condensed version (it's still long though, so you may want to get a snack first! lol).

I've wanted to write about this for SO long, but I refrained because I didn't want to "expose" anyone or hurt their feelings. But I've been mulling it over and over lately and decided to finally write it. I am no longer concerned about who may be upset about it, because they obviously weren't worried about what their actions would do to me when they were creating my story line. Another reason I did not want to write this is because I was worried what other people (not involved) would think, and it's reflection on me. However, I simply don't care anymore. I'm getting this off my chest, because maybe someone who reads this will be able to relate.

And if you already know this post is about you, then I think you should just be grateful I'm not putting your real name in it!

I was involved with this guy a couple years ago. He wasn't my boyfriend but I was SMITTEN with him. We dated on and off for a year and change. He seemed so close to everything I thought I was looking for. Very intelligent, nice looking, well dressed... He got along great with my friends, but didn't smother me partly because he lived an hour away and was pretty much an all around gentleman. He said he was celibate because of his past relationship with his ex girl friend and I respected that. We had our little spats from time to time of course. Mostly about his ex or about mine who I still had a close relationship with. Coincidentally his ex happened to date my ex before any of the rest of us met or got involved each other. . . small world.

When it was finally over between "He" and I (I know that grammatically that word should be 'him' but this is his name for the purpose of this story), I was crushed. It was 2 days before my birthday, and I had just been to see him with a group of my friends as a kickoff to my birthday weekend. He sent me a text while I was at IHOP with my friends, basically breaking up with me for no reason other than it "beginning to feel too much like a relationship". It was BULL, and my friends (consisting of 3 girls and a guy) were all outraged for me. LoL, of course that's how good friends are supposed to react!

My close guy friend who had never met "He" before that night but had been speaking to He on AIM during the time we were dating immediately swore he was going to stop communication, my bestie and my other girls also decided he was completely whacked and he didn't deserve anymore attention. Mine or theirs. Good we're all on the same page. Time to MOVE ON!

I know that should be the end of our story. He and Me. But I've never been one to hold a grudge. I can't do it. My mother thinks it's one of my better qualities, but I think it sometimes makes me seem like a pushover, which I'm not. Neither here nor there. We became cool again after several months of not really speaking to each other at all. I really don't even remember how we sparked a friendship again. There weren't really any romantic feelings any longer, but I guess there was still somewhat of tension there (maybe because we'd never actually done "the do", but had always gotten right up to it before cutting it out). He ended up moving to my city for a job, we were basically neighbors. Looking after each other's apartments when out of town, borrowing sugar, all that neighborly crap.

I said before he was a guy who took pride in his appearance. Before he went out for the night I was always over there going through his closets and putting my two cents in about his wardrobe. One day I was over there (I think it was shortly after he moved in), I was helping him hang his jeans, and came across a pair that looked familiar.

me: These jeans. . . they have your initials on them.
him: oh yeah...
me: "Friend" has a pair JUST like them!
him: I know, he made them for me. I saw his and asked him to make me a pair.
me: What? When??
him: he did them for me at this BBQ
me: I didn't even know you guys even spoke to each other still.

I didn't dwell on it, because I really didn't care. I did call "friend" up immediately and express my shock that he'd actually linked up with him without telling me! Friend called me back several times that day to apologize. I wasn't even upset, it really wasn't a big deal to me. BUT Him was on a rant about Friend and was basically in a tiff because he apologized to me. Get over it! He insisted that no MAN would apologize for something so stupid. Whatever, I don't care!

After that, almost every time I mentioned my friend, Him would bad mouth him. Every chance he got he'd express how annoying Friend was, how he'd never get into the fraternity he was trying so hard to join, all the way down to things as stupid as the grain and growth pattern of his hair. I know I wondered to myself a couple of times how he'd even know what Friend's hair looked like if he'd only seen him once. Damn I guess he saw it in his Facebook pictures or something! How rude.

Late one night I was in the laundromat with Friend and our girl friend while they did their laundry. Friend said he had something he wanted to share with me, he'd been trying to link up for about 2 weeks but we just couldn't get it together. I asked "girl friend" if she knew what he wanted to tell me... at first she sorta acted like she knew what he might want to say by saying like "he should tell you himself". . . then a few days later she had no idea what it was. At first I figured she knew since she was a little closer to friend than I was, even though we were all 'family'.

Anyway, while we were sitting in the laundromat Friend texts me "I sleep with boys".... I guess he was uncomfortable saying the words to me out loud. I wasn't surprised at all. Just surprised that he was finally admitting it. Everyone always talked about him, calling him gay, but he denied it. So I ALWAYS stuck up for him. Saying he was "metrosexual" not gay. I was glad he was being honest. It didn't change our friendship one bit!

I sat there listening to him finally being open with me. Laughing at some of his stories of his sexcapades. Turns out girl friend already knew. He'd told her a few months before. She wasn't surprised either! Of course not. He's not what some people would call a "big queen", but he definitely isn't the manliest of men. Always a gentleman either way. He almost reminded me of "Him", personality wise.I sat there rolling the idea around in my head thinking about A LOT of things that started to make sense. Like all of his dates that he never let me meet, and situations he'd ask my advice on but the women would never have names or physical descriptions. Apparently he's bisexual and slept with boys and girls. Fine, with me.

All of a sudden DING DING DING!!!

me: Friend. . . did you sleep with Him?
him: No.
me: are you telling me the truth?
him: yes. I would never do that to you.
me: (skeptical look)
Him: why'd ask me that?
me: just curious.

A few minutes later, Friend goes to the bathroom. I turned to Girl Friend like "Did he just lie to me??" and she confirms.

For the next few weeks I made it my mission in life to rip a confession out of both Friend and Him. Friend denied it so vehemently that he resorted to calling me names, comparing himself to Jesus (as they were both accused of lying... and then were crucified on a cross??), he called me all sorts of names and things out of my character. It actually almost came down to an actual physical altercation in public. We were in a club in DC for Girl Friend's birthday. He chose to try to address the situation there. I told him several times that I did not want to talk about it. So since he insisted on addressing my disgust for him it escalated into a shouting match. I swear it was just like arguing with another chick! What man do you know will engage in a (high pitched) shouting match, including name calling with a female in the club?? If one of my girls hadn't grabbed me by my waist just in time I would've jumped on top of him as he went down the stairs.

After this dude drags my name and character through the mud, bad mouthing me to whomever he felt the need... he decides he needs to come clean! Dude I already knew. It was already confirmed. Save your apology, I don't want it. And being friends is out of the question! I'm not a person who holds grudges but I'm not stupid either. I can forgive someone and move on at the same time. I've gotten a few written apologies from him, and I'm cordial, even nice sometimes when I happen to be in the same place as him. I need him to know that what he did was NOT okay. It was NOT acceptable, and for most people, not even forgivable. The next chick may not be so nice.

And as for "Him". . . he's still in denial about his sexuality. He's in a pretend world. I hear he broke Friend's heart. I think it's good for him. I wonder if there was a lesson learned in it for either of them.

I think from now on I need a reference from any man's last 3 sexual partners and some character witnesses before I get involved! Oh well, you live and you learn! What are we without our life experiences? No one.

"Even Christ was perceived as a liar before he was hung on the cross" -Friend

Monday, August 10, 2009

Sucka For Lovin'

Have you ever just been a straight sucka for some good Lovin'??

Let's be honest, it wasn't really love. Purely physical, nothing emotional about it. I never understood why it's considered taboo for women to simply want to experience the act of sex without further involvement? Men do it and they're considered to be "acting like a man". However a woman who acts in the same manner is considered less than desired.

I say you should do what you need to in order to be happy (without hurting someone else). I've been guilty of the "crime" of finding pleasure in being pleasured ;) There have been one or two gentlemen that I've dated and decided I no longer had any mental interest in but the sex was good so I kept them around for my in-between-time. One guy in particular knew all the right spots and I got off every time... he made sure of it. But once we left the bedroom our time was just filled with awkward conversation of no real value. We came to the agreement that we both know what we enjoy doing together, so why try to make it more than that? Let's just keep this thing up (pun definitely intended) until we can no longer milk the cow!

It is much easier to be honest with someone (and yourself) than try to force a meaningful relationship out of the act of good sex. You're just going to find that it's everything but meaningful when the lights come back on (or maybe you're the type to keep the room lit... whatever you prefer).

Anyway, I like this arrangement and in the meantime I'm keeping my options open. Since my "little girl" is already being taken care of, I can focus on finding someone who stimulates the other aspects of my life. And when I find him, I'll say good bye to my gentlemen friend. Until then... he keeps me satisfied!

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Universal Language

Sometimes I realize how lucky we are to have such talented people to learn from. I think that I'll make a valid attempt at appreciating my heritage more. I came across this video today and it made me feel good! I'm passing the goodness on to you. Enjoy!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Best Two Out of Three...

So I decided to waste $4.99 on an On-Demand movie today. The move of choice... "He's Just Not That Into You". Although it was not what I expected, I must say that I really enjoyed it. Have you ever watched a movie that makes you cry and you don't even make an attempt to hide it? Its so embarrassing, but I don't care. Who wouldn't want to reach into the pants pocket and feel the velvet box inside? What woman wouldn't like to turn around and see her man on bended in tow?...How romantic! I wonder when this fairy-tale yearning is introduced to us [women]. Is the "I want that" feeling isolated exclusively to females? Secretly, there has to be some kind of romantic situation that men yearn for. You can't tell me that by the end of "Love & Basketball" you weren't thinking..."damn man...that's beautiful".

Come on can respond anonymously. Tell the truth. You yearn the romance just as much as us right? Maybe?

Friday, July 31, 2009

Do You Smell What the Rock is Cooking?

In my opinion, eyebrows are the windows to the soul. They can change the way a woman looks almost instantly. Wildabeast to Willamina Models, eyebrows can be the determining factor in which one you are. Like many women, I am obsessed with my brows. Ever since the first razor touched my browline I have been hooked. Over the years, I've progressed to tweezing, then waxing and now threading. Regardless of the method, I only let two people touch my brow. One waxer and one threader. Although I sometimes switch between the two, because of convenience, I am partial to the threading. I'm do you ladies maintain your brows? And fellas, I wont leave you out. Are you partial to one barber? How many of you get a line-up with the clippers vs. a straight razor. Is there a big difference?

I've posted a threading tutorial for those do-it-yourselfers who would like to save some money. I won't be doing that as I surely will end up with 3 cuts in my eyebrows tryna wild out. But try it and tell me how it turned out for you.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

He Got A Big...Ah He Hem...Ego

I somehow got on the topic of dating and men while talking to friends. The conversation led to men and how their personalities reflect their actions in the bedroom.
[Sidenote: What I'm about to say next is completely preferential. Don't judge me...not that you know which one of us is writing this]

After thinking about this topic I had an epiphany. Mean men are the best lovers! If you didn't think I was crazy before let me help you out. I mean those obnoxious lawyers, agents, police officers and yes...even dopeboys. Those cocky men...the ones who think they own the world. Who think that they're the best at EVERYTHING they do. Who you probably cant bear to be around for too long or could never see yourself with seriously. Yes, him. He's bossy, pushy and maybe a bit over the top. He's Ari Gold, T.O. and possibly Diddy. Now this is not a known fact...I'm not saying that this is absolutely the case in every situation. All I'm saying is when I look back at it, it all makes sense. He thinks he's the best at EVERYTHING...and he's gonna prove it. Gonna make you know it.

Become a believer gals! The truth is out there :-)

[ jump-offing an cocky man the equivalent to men who keep hoes on the side? Is it the same concept? They do know that they wont really be with the hoe right? But she serves her purpose and she's good at it. Thoughts?]

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong...

I had quite the run in this weekend. I went to a party! It was not fun by any means, but it did serve as a great distraction from what I call my life. The "let-out" afforded me the opportunity to be accosted by a very nice looking, very light complected young man. The modern day G-Money. I know...light-skinned men are out of style, but they're trying to make a come-back. Seemed like this man was leading the coalition. Anyhow, we chatted and after several compliments and a few flashes of the smile he had me blushing...blame it on the goose? I don't know. Eventually the conversation moved to my age and I told him I was twenty-something years old (you didn't really think that I was really gonna tell did you?) which he replies, "Oh, I'm 43". Pause. You guys had to have seen this man. He was absolutely adorable...definitely didn't look a day over 29 1/2. I digress...After more chit chat I agreed to take his number, with a smile! If you know me, you know that this was seriously out of my character to be so willing. After storing handsome's number in my phone this ninja shakes up the game with some nonsense...and I quote: "Now...I can't even lie...I got a girl, but we can still go out".

Hell no we can't sir. Initially I was thrown aback. Its like one of those things you always hear of but never really experience. I never knew that "up-front" men like this actually existed. I mean, we always hear men claim that they tell women how it really is but in all actuality they don't. They withhold the truth and sometimes just flat out lie. And how up-front was he really? Was that not something that could have been shared within the beginning of our conversation? Oh well...whatever. The man mind is a silly mind and I will not attempt to understand it.

And I Know JD Well

Am I the only one who loves this "Throw It In The Bag Remix"? I think that Fabolous really did a good job this time around. I always considered Fab to be the ladies' rapper. His music is very chic friendly and has the potential to get extra sissy from time-to-time. However, this song seems to be very relatable from both sides. Women can relate to wanting a man who would do anything for your because you're worth it, right? And men like being the bread winner and taking care of home, right? Not to mention that Drake did an okay job on his verse too. He usually tries way too hard, but this particular time he was quite witty. It seemed almost natural. Almost. I love it.

Good job guys.

[And I just reviewed the album...not bad. Lots of features on there. Something for everyone. Check it out]

Monday, July 27, 2009

These Vikki's Show My Secrets!

So, Victoria's Secret is now trying to let ALL my business out!

What's up with these new "One Size" (fits all) panties?? They're just a CRUEL TRICK! They in fact, do NOT fit all sizes. . . not my size anyway.
I bought them, despite them looking a little baggy. I was attracted to these new "Lacie" undies, because they're 5 for $25 and they come in such a wide variety of colors. But, apparently that's how they get you! I was a bit skeptical when I saw the label... but I figured, Vikki wouldn't lie to me. We've been cool for so long! I don't know why I believed that the same panties that fit a size 10 woman would magically shrink down to my size just because they said so. . .
Now, I have 5 pairs of sexy/baggy drawers. That's an oxymoron! Me and big girl undies don't get along. . . I like mine lacy and snug. I don't know what "period panties" are. I don't own any... so uhhh I guess I do now! ::: shaking my damn head ::: If you're a not one of those in between sizes, DO NOT BUY these! You'll be thoroughly pissed off. They should just say "these panties only come in MEDIUM".

Again, I think I was tricked - "Gimme 20 dollars!" (okay so that quote is SO out of context, but I don't care)