Friday, January 16, 2009

I Do This For My Culture...

Quite often we hear from some of our readers "Hey guys, why don't you update the site more? I read it everyday. We want more...blah blah blah...yadda yadda yadda.".  Typically our response is "Oh yeah? Well we can't tell seeing as though nobody effin comments."  It is our idea that we do this for you.  We enjoy getting your brain muscle ejaculating with our witty yet wry personalities.  However, it is quite difficult to continue to pour your intellectual, psychotic and often damn-right ridiculous thoughts onto a blog when you have the idea that no one is even paying attention.  So if you've ever wondered about the lack of activity here...now you know.  With that said, we will make a conscience effort to update www.cocktailour.com for you more often. However, there will be a trade-off...

COMMENT DAMNIT.

We appreciate you as a reader...and thank you for your support.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

No Sex In The Campaign Room

When Campaigning for a Relationship Can Sex Smear Your Platform?
Three Women, Three Perspectives

Woman 1...
When presented with this question, so many things ran through my mind. Simply attempting to answer this poses so many other questions. So without tarnishing my squeaky clean image that I’m sure you have of me, I will try to answer it.

In my opinion, having sex too early in a relationship may or may not ruin it. I think it solely depends on the parties involved. In the instance where I have had sex early in the relationship it had one effect. It didn’t give me the proper opportunity to determine if the man I was seeing was interested in me simply because of the sex.

I want to believe that having sex early didn’t affect our relationship. It was his inability to tell the truth, keep his pee-pee (yes, it was a pee-pee) in his pants and stay off of blackplanet/skankbitches.com. I don't think that the sex in the back of the car on the golf-course after our first date had anything to do with it. But seriously people. If we are non-virgin adults, why can’t we just face the fact that it will happen eventually? SEX WILL HAPPEN AT SOME POINT IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Why does it matter when?

Is it safe for us to assume that if we hold out a little (or a lot) longer, we will realize that he is an asshole much sooner? Or will he just have to hide his true-self that much longer? Either way there will be deception, excuses and someone will always try to tell you that it didn’t work because you put out early. Call it my A(ngry)B(lack)W(oman) rant, but I am kind of on the fence about it.

You may find what I am about to say very odd, but who cares. I strongly believe that WHAT you do in the bedroom and WHY you do it has more effect on your relationship that when you do it. Think about it. Is a man more likely to be hesitant about a serious relationship with you because you put out on the second date or because you let him stick his toe in your ear? I can understand him questioning your position in his life after something like that, but I still think that it’s a little unfair. Sex is sex to some people. You have to know what you want from a partner and vice versa. When I meet a man these days, I let him know up front that I'm looking for a husband. Granted, I hardly ever hear from them again after the first conversation, but at least they know what they would've been getting into if they stayed. I guess if we spent more time getting to know one another we would know these things about our partners. Then, maybe, we wouldn’t have to judge them. Maybe the question should be “has sex become too casual?”

Woman 2...
My New Years Resolutions is "No Sex in 2009" (well less sex in 209, LOL). I find it complicates things when the lines have not yet been drawn in a relationship. You start to date a guy and you really like him, things are going well in your opinion and you’re hoping that the situation will continue to progress, but you don’t want to bring it up to him yet, because it’s too new. You know how you feel, but you’re kind of waiting for him to let you know what’s going on in his head on his own time. Not that you’re trying to jump into a relationship with him, but you like the idea of the possibility later on.

Then one night you feel extra comfortable with him and you make the decision in your mind that you’re ready to take it there. Sex is now introduced into your simple equation. And now it’s not so simple anymore!

Whyyyy does intercourse have to make things so difficult when you really like someone? Everything is fine when you are just getting to know someone, but then you start to have sex (too soon?) and there are these questions that begin to linger, LOOM rather. . . “aw man, I hope he doesn’t think this is all I want”. . . “do we have to do it every time we make plans to see each other now?”. . . “what happened to our dates?” . . . is he dating someone else? “is he having sex with someone else? Should I ask him? If I do, will he get defensive and think I’m trying to knock him over the head and drag him into a cave somewhere to hold him captive for the rest of his adult life??”

Most of the time women won’t ask those questions, because we don’t want him to feel like we’re trying to push him into a relationship. When really all we’re looking for is just a clearer vision of what’s going on, how he feels about how the situation has changed.

My friend said “Sex is a powerful tool, use it wisely” . . . I’m confused about this statement because I don’t feel like I’m wielding any kind of special powers in my vagina! Actually quite the contrary, I feel like sex is working against me. So. . . I don’t want it anymore! Here God. . . You can have my vagina BACK. . . just pass it down when I gotta pee, please and thank you!
Woman 3...
Sex too soon? How about not soon enough? I think sex should be treated like handshakes. It's your introductory statement. Why waste time focusing on a relationship? Those things rarely ever last. . . but lust is eternal. I kid, I kid!! “Sex is a powerful tool, use it wisely” this quote makes complete sense to me. When, courting men and women spend hours before a date primping and pressing. When conversing we’re careful not to reveal past relationships or our secret fantasy involving playgrounds, baby chickens and seaweed. We’re subconsciously inclined to wait until we’ve deemed a person trustworthy before revealing personal aspects of our lives to them. We want to know he or she is worth the emotional investment. Like if they were ever interrogated by the “man” or nosey wo-“man”, our secrets would be safe. We’re protective of our past and ever lenient with our present. Instead of appreciating and cherishing ourselves, we tend to re-gift our love boxes like a bad Christmas tie, readily handing it over to anyone who expresses interest (and a little sex appeal). Why? Perhaps we’re afraid to ruin a good thing. We’re spending time together; he’s finally opening up to me. Just last week we talked about his ex-girlfriend and how he’s so relieved I’m nothing like her. We’re so good together, no one understands him like I do and he’ll never meet a woman more supportive. Eventually he’ll see how amazing I am and sex can only make my platform stronger. I’m campaigning for a relationship here sometimes you have to use the big guns! You know what they say; a little pre-voter’s registration sex never hurt anyone. Or was it “sex never made things any clearer?”

Although I believe there is such a thing as having sex too soon, I’m not sure if that’s enough to dash all hopes of victory. To some sex is just sex. To others, sex is a physical expression of a romantic affection. Affection: a fond attachment, a sentiment, a feeling. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what affect your presence has on a person before embarking upon a sexual voyage? Or the occasional brisk walk? Not knowing where you stand can lead to extreme vulnerability. Am I making the right decisions? Did I move too fast? Are we just friends or is this more? Though it’s never too late to change an unfavorable situation, it certainly isn’t easy.

Don’t be discouraged. There’s always hope. When I was in a relationship with an unfaithful partner, whenever I wanted information he wouldn’t openly divulge I employed a surefire tell all method. After our brisk walks, right before he went to sleep, I would ask him whatever my little cowardly heart could dream up. He was so depleted he never had the energy to evade the question with “manspeak” or bullish rhetoric. This self-proclaimed ladies man (one hit wonder as I liked to call him) was reduced to the truth. Trust me it works! This method not only revealed he was still cheating on me, but also the lie he told both of us to keep the involuntary threesome alive. Apply the same method to your non-relationship or temporary/eternal friendships, if you wish.

Alternatively we could, rather we should, be adults about this whole thing. A very wise, yet promiscuous, unfaithful, low down dirty man once said “A man will tell you everything you need to know, if you listen!”

Ladies I encourage you to listen, really listen. Think about it. It’s less risky than hoping he’ll come around and a far better suggestion than giving your vagina back to Jesus.
Far too often we hear and disregard. Hopeful that we can make a difference or better yet we are the difference. If a man tells us he’s not looking for a relationship right now, he’s just chilling or he’s not sure what he wants, we believe we can change his mind. In the interim we dive into a label-less situation. We calculably become over accommodating, ultra malleable, unrealistically understanding, go with the flow, let the good times roll, no pressure here, shells of ourselves. Powerful, beautiful women too afraid to say what we actually want for fear we’ll lose everything we pretended so hard to get.

We’re lying to ourselves if we pretend to be happy in ambiguity when know we want more. We deserve more. Sure we pretended a bit during the campaign trail, but our platform is built on truth. We are as great as we seem! We’ve just spent so much time people pleasing, we forgot to listen. Listen to words said and unsaid. Listen to our hearts and place value on our love boxes.
The next time he’s all hot and bothered looking at you all dumb with that one eyed-squint and come hither stare tell him “This here, this love box right here ninja, this is an investment. .. Let’s see some collateral.

Review It

Time. . .check.
Honesty . . . check.
Respect . . . check.
Sex. . .maybe.


You can't make an informed decision without information people, so ask or better yet
LISTEN!!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

You Got Me Straight Trippin' Bu{ddha}

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you're the one who gets burned. -Buddha