Tuesday, March 10, 2009

L.A. Face With A Oakland Booty...

Last week the CocktailOur staff did a little shopping. We picked up some blouses, a cute leopard print miniskirt and some butt pads.

Huh? Yes...you read me...butt pads.

You know that we never hesitate to make a fool of ourselves here. So we strapped on the booty and took it for a ride.

Initially, the thought was hilarious. The box contains two silicone, breast-like, pads and a pair of control panties with pockets on each booty cheek. You slide the silicone pad into the pocket, then watch the magic happen. I carried those babies around on me for an hour and had to fight the men, and women, off with a stick.

I would recommend the butt pads to anyone who is less endowed in the bootang area. However, I will offer you a few pointers before purchase:
  • The panty is a control panty(somewhat of a girdle) and is a little uncomfortable after a while. It could be this particular brand, so just look around if you plan on purchasing a pair.
  • If you're going to wear them, maybe it should be for special occasions and not daily use. A couple of hours in club...maybe. Eight hours at work...maybe not. (Unless you work at an establishment where booty helps you advance or receive tips, ie...Hooters.)
  • These butt pads may attract random ass slaps from your co-workers...men and women alike. Let them have their fun. They'll get tired of it after a while.
  • Finally...Men will give you slack about your new booty. They'll say its wrong, (something about "I'm Gon Get You Sucka") and that you're deceiving men into thinking that you have a be-dunk-a-dunk. Screw them. Ask them whats the difference between your new ass-et and padded bras, weaves, and big feet stuffed in little shoes. Its a different drug, but they all get you high.
Enjoy your new booty. You paid for it, and you didn't even have to go to Brazil to get it.


Marie Francois said...

I need these in my life
Where can I purchase them!
(wait, no plugs. . . email it to me!)

Sartorially Savvy said...

This is absolutely the foolishness I've come to expect from CocktailOur...

The Tenant said...

Me personally, I don't like weave if you don't let me pull it...so get it in there tight. Second, we don't like padded bras, who told you that? C) We don't like fake butts either.


We will have sex with you that night, but clown you forever (even if the sex is good)