Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Ask Dr. Shrim Pegg/Phoo Young: Double Jeopardy?

Some time ago, we received a question from one of our readers. As you know, we are a bit of procrastinators, but we do appreciate every comment and email that we receive. We make every attempt to respond, just not always within a timely manner. Forgive us. With that it goes...

[Dear CocktailOur]
Why is it that when someone fucks up in a relationship (friendship, bf/gf, marriage, etc.) they don't get why things "aren't the way they used to be"? They realize you don't talk to them as much, or you don't tell them things like you used to. But they just don't get that it's THEIR fault things have changed?

Dr. Shrim Pegg:
Deciding to "try again" when things have gone awry in your relationship requires a commitment from both parties. Sure he/she betrayed your trust, but you decided to give this lying, cheating, low down dirty partner another chance. I applaud you. All of us fall short of perfection, therefore complications and shortcomings aren't uncommon and deserve to be handle with the kind hands of understanding. Of course you must keep in mind once you have agreed to forgive and forget, you my dear friend are no longer the victim. Translation. Really let it go. Stop chastising your partner for the mistake you agreed to overcome. Lay off on mentioning the indiscretion in frequent statements like " Tell that b%!$h to iron your clothes" or pay your rent, or cook your meals. Don't go through her phone or rummage through her belongings while she's in the shower. Stop talking to this person like they owe you something or are forever endebted to you because of their mistakes. Again, you are no longer the victim!! Become a woman of your word and actually forgive. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Still not half as crazy as continuing a relationship with someone you no longer trust and don't believe in. Both parties must understand the impact mistrust can have on a budding relationship. Still, if you decide to stay together this change should bring you two closer otherwise you're both wasting time.

Dr. Phoo Young:
I agree with the good doctor. However, I also think that its unfair for the person who screwed up the relationship to think that everything will go back to being the same. In essence, since you did agree to forgive this person, you shouldn't be holding on to what happened. But, in reality, that is not the way things work. If you're the person who did wrong, please understand that the healing takes time. It is your fault that the relationship has been compromised. Therefore, you should know that your trust has to be regained. Don't keep bitching about the forgiver not trusting your, or things being different. As the saying goes: you forgive, but you never forget. Not forgetting is the reason why you're getting randomly cussed out every now and then. Realize that you made the mistake. Deal with the backlash or move on; but know that things will never be exactly the same.

**Doctors Srim Pegg & Phoo Young are not certified doctors, but they listen to Dr. Dre.

1 comment:

The Tenant said...

I'd rather have the ice box where my heart used to be...keeps me cool during the hot summer nights