Tuesday, April 28, 2009

What Happens in Your Stall...Stays In Your Stall

...and more bathroom etiquette

Everyone who knows me also knows that I HATE public bathrooms! I will leave work to go home an pee. Most days I just refuse to use a public bathroom. . . I even moved off campus my freshman year out of bathroom frustration! LoL I could go on and on, but the point is; shared fecal facilities and I do NOT get along!

So here are some tips for you people who are unaware of how to conduct yourselves acceptably when you enter into the private and shared domain of the toilet room

1. Don't start a conversation with someone you didn't bring in there with you!
This can lead to misconceptions about the nature of your banter. Haven't we learned anything from these politicians who've gotten arrested in the bathroom for doing exactly that?
I hate bathroom conversation! This is one reasons why I don't use public restrooms. . . always an uncomfortable situation!
I walk into the bathroom at work. The female security guard comes in directly after me. Then she looks in the first stall & says

"Oh my! Ms. Peggy got her some crabs!"
I say: "Excuse me?!"
She: :Ms. Peggy got crabs! From Raphael, you know him?"
Me: "No. . ."
She: "He gave her some crabs"

then I realize...she was talking about lunch! I shake my head and walk out as she finds a stall suitable to pee in. I held it until she left.

2. There are EIGHT stalls in here. . . why are you right next to me?
Lady. . . I don’t want to hear all the baby farts, and grunting noises as you relieve yourself. . . I’m not interested. Thanks. Then I gotta act like I didn’t hear or smell anything when I wash my hands. Come on! Let’s just avoid an uncomfortable situation.

3. Make sure there's toilet paper in your stall!
Please ma'am, I'm not trying to pass you any paper under the wall that separates us! Where do you think we are? And I'm not fully clear on what those bathroom language signs are. . . I don't know what kind of kinky weirdo act passing you toilet paper might signify. . . I’m not into arranged marriages.

4. PLEASE wash your hands!
I don’t need or want what you had for brunch this afternoon to be on any door handle or other surface I may have to touch after you. It’s common courtesy and just plain nasty! And in light of this recent outbreak of Swine Flu... I’m wearing rubber gloves all day just because some people don’t wash their hands! LoL


Ashley said...

You totally forgot about the "courtesy flush"...but you are so Right with this one. Why are you talking to me?? I just need to take a leak!!

Andesis said...

This is the most disgusting post I've ever seen. Grow up cocktailour!

Ecuuuuuse Me! said...

Well Andesis... every blog you read won't be for you! Maybe you should scroll down a bit and you may find something for you!

It's funny, get over it!

Faviola said...

LMAO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE TOILET PAPER...Cuz I have NONE to Spare! Can't Spare a PLY!!!

TheBlackMamba said...

LMFAO @ Fav...."can't spare a PLY?!"

jessica said...

lmao just hilarious and oh so true!

reggaelatte said...

This is too funny. #2 happened to me just today and I was thinking I should write a blog about it..

The Tenant said...

lmao...i thought girls had more class in the restroom, glad to know ya'll just like us!

The Undresser said...

i agree with this 100%. same exact ish goes on in the mens bathroom...