Friday, July 31, 2009

Do You Smell What the Rock is Cooking?

In my opinion, eyebrows are the windows to the soul. They can change the way a woman looks almost instantly. Wildabeast to Willamina Models, eyebrows can be the determining factor in which one you are. Like many women, I am obsessed with my brows. Ever since the first razor touched my browline I have been hooked. Over the years, I've progressed to tweezing, then waxing and now threading. Regardless of the method, I only let two people touch my brow. One waxer and one threader. Although I sometimes switch between the two, because of convenience, I am partial to the threading. I'm do you ladies maintain your brows? And fellas, I wont leave you out. Are you partial to one barber? How many of you get a line-up with the clippers vs. a straight razor. Is there a big difference?

I've posted a threading tutorial for those do-it-yourselfers who would like to save some money. I won't be doing that as I surely will end up with 3 cuts in my eyebrows tryna wild out. But try it and tell me how it turned out for you.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

He Got A Big...Ah He Hem...Ego

I somehow got on the topic of dating and men while talking to friends. The conversation led to men and how their personalities reflect their actions in the bedroom.
[Sidenote: What I'm about to say next is completely preferential. Don't judge me...not that you know which one of us is writing this]

After thinking about this topic I had an epiphany. Mean men are the best lovers! If you didn't think I was crazy before let me help you out. I mean those obnoxious lawyers, agents, police officers and yes...even dopeboys. Those cocky men...the ones who think they own the world. Who think that they're the best at EVERYTHING they do. Who you probably cant bear to be around for too long or could never see yourself with seriously. Yes, him. He's bossy, pushy and maybe a bit over the top. He's Ari Gold, T.O. and possibly Diddy. Now this is not a known fact...I'm not saying that this is absolutely the case in every situation. All I'm saying is when I look back at it, it all makes sense. He thinks he's the best at EVERYTHING...and he's gonna prove it. Gonna make you know it.

Become a believer gals! The truth is out there :-)

[ jump-offing an cocky man the equivalent to men who keep hoes on the side? Is it the same concept? They do know that they wont really be with the hoe right? But she serves her purpose and she's good at it. Thoughts?]

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong...

I had quite the run in this weekend. I went to a party! It was not fun by any means, but it did serve as a great distraction from what I call my life. The "let-out" afforded me the opportunity to be accosted by a very nice looking, very light complected young man. The modern day G-Money. I know...light-skinned men are out of style, but they're trying to make a come-back. Seemed like this man was leading the coalition. Anyhow, we chatted and after several compliments and a few flashes of the smile he had me blushing...blame it on the goose? I don't know. Eventually the conversation moved to my age and I told him I was twenty-something years old (you didn't really think that I was really gonna tell did you?) which he replies, "Oh, I'm 43". Pause. You guys had to have seen this man. He was absolutely adorable...definitely didn't look a day over 29 1/2. I digress...After more chit chat I agreed to take his number, with a smile! If you know me, you know that this was seriously out of my character to be so willing. After storing handsome's number in my phone this ninja shakes up the game with some nonsense...and I quote: "Now...I can't even lie...I got a girl, but we can still go out".

Hell no we can't sir. Initially I was thrown aback. Its like one of those things you always hear of but never really experience. I never knew that "up-front" men like this actually existed. I mean, we always hear men claim that they tell women how it really is but in all actuality they don't. They withhold the truth and sometimes just flat out lie. And how up-front was he really? Was that not something that could have been shared within the beginning of our conversation? Oh well...whatever. The man mind is a silly mind and I will not attempt to understand it.

And I Know JD Well

Am I the only one who loves this "Throw It In The Bag Remix"? I think that Fabolous really did a good job this time around. I always considered Fab to be the ladies' rapper. His music is very chic friendly and has the potential to get extra sissy from time-to-time. However, this song seems to be very relatable from both sides. Women can relate to wanting a man who would do anything for your because you're worth it, right? And men like being the bread winner and taking care of home, right? Not to mention that Drake did an okay job on his verse too. He usually tries way too hard, but this particular time he was quite witty. It seemed almost natural. Almost. I love it.

Good job guys.

[And I just reviewed the album...not bad. Lots of features on there. Something for everyone. Check it out]

Monday, July 27, 2009

These Vikki's Show My Secrets!

So, Victoria's Secret is now trying to let ALL my business out!

What's up with these new "One Size" (fits all) panties?? They're just a CRUEL TRICK! They in fact, do NOT fit all sizes. . . not my size anyway.
I bought them, despite them looking a little baggy. I was attracted to these new "Lacie" undies, because they're 5 for $25 and they come in such a wide variety of colors. But, apparently that's how they get you! I was a bit skeptical when I saw the label... but I figured, Vikki wouldn't lie to me. We've been cool for so long! I don't know why I believed that the same panties that fit a size 10 woman would magically shrink down to my size just because they said so. . .
Now, I have 5 pairs of sexy/baggy drawers. That's an oxymoron! Me and big girl undies don't get along. . . I like mine lacy and snug. I don't know what "period panties" are. I don't own any... so uhhh I guess I do now! ::: shaking my damn head ::: If you're a not one of those in between sizes, DO NOT BUY these! You'll be thoroughly pissed off. They should just say "these panties only come in MEDIUM".

Again, I think I was tricked - "Gimme 20 dollars!" (okay so that quote is SO out of context, but I don't care)

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Eww, Gross!

Anyone who knows me, knows I have serious and strange idiosyncrasies about the bathroom... even if you read CocktailOur (if you knew who was writing what), you know how crazy I am about them.

Dirty bathrooms are my pet peeve. If I go to a man's place and have to use the bathroom you better believe while I'm in there I'm checkin' the ring around the toilet and the ring around the tub!

It REALLY pisses me off when I go into a grown man's house (roommate or not) and his tub is varying shades of gray and brown! What the hell!? Do you not see the change in color? Was your tub not white when you moved in? Oh and please don't get me started on the toilet. . . okay I'm started! If I can tell how bad your aim is as soon as I walk in your bathroom, it's definitely a deal breaker. Whatever happened to flushing for good measure? You knew I was coming over, why didn't you get rid of those traces of last night's dinner floating around in there?? Too much?? Okay, I apologize. I just needed to get the point across. I digress.

Anyway, all you not-so-gentle-men, please don't wonder why I left and didn't call you the next day. Just check your outhouse for the answer.