Monday, August 31, 2009

Can I Add Cheese To My Double Standard?

Someone posted this video on Facebook today. When I initially watched it, my thoughts mirrored the comments of others who watched it. "Wow..this girl is pretty good". Then the cynic in me chimed in to say "but if she was black, this would be totally different". I don't know how many videos I've seen like this where viewers have been less than sympathetic to the little rhythmic black girl.

"But can she read?..."
"She'll be on a pole soon..."
"Where is she learning this from?..."
"This is a damn shame..."

The list of comments go on and on. I find it really strange that I saw none of these comments on this particular video. As a matter of fact, praises and kudos were thrown graciously to this little blonde girl who couldn't hold a dance candle to some other black children her age.

So my question is this...Why do we love or hate ourselves so much, that we are so critical of the things that our own people do? Yet we ignore those same things being done by those of other races.

White man taking groceries from a store in the eye of a flood...surviving
Black man doing the same...looting.

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Only Man I'll Ever Love...

Anyone who knows us knows that we love this man. He is the perfect blend of hilarious and smart.
I'm going to start a petition to bring him back! Who's with me?

No?...Ok. Enjoy anyway.

(P.S...Don't sleep on the host, James Lipton. He looks quite dry and corpse like, but he is very funny.)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

She Don't Have to Know. . .

Hey Lovelies!

I started writing this post the other day and it just became WAY too long. I thought to myself "No one is gonna sit here and read this!" LoL... so this is my condensed version (it's still long though, so you may want to get a snack first! lol).

I've wanted to write about this for SO long, but I refrained because I didn't want to "expose" anyone or hurt their feelings. But I've been mulling it over and over lately and decided to finally write it. I am no longer concerned about who may be upset about it, because they obviously weren't worried about what their actions would do to me when they were creating my story line. Another reason I did not want to write this is because I was worried what other people (not involved) would think, and it's reflection on me. However, I simply don't care anymore. I'm getting this off my chest, because maybe someone who reads this will be able to relate.

And if you already know this post is about you, then I think you should just be grateful I'm not putting your real name in it!

I was involved with this guy a couple years ago. He wasn't my boyfriend but I was SMITTEN with him. We dated on and off for a year and change. He seemed so close to everything I thought I was looking for. Very intelligent, nice looking, well dressed... He got along great with my friends, but didn't smother me partly because he lived an hour away and was pretty much an all around gentleman. He said he was celibate because of his past relationship with his ex girl friend and I respected that. We had our little spats from time to time of course. Mostly about his ex or about mine who I still had a close relationship with. Coincidentally his ex happened to date my ex before any of the rest of us met or got involved each other. . . small world.

When it was finally over between "He" and I (I know that grammatically that word should be 'him' but this is his name for the purpose of this story), I was crushed. It was 2 days before my birthday, and I had just been to see him with a group of my friends as a kickoff to my birthday weekend. He sent me a text while I was at IHOP with my friends, basically breaking up with me for no reason other than it "beginning to feel too much like a relationship". It was BULL, and my friends (consisting of 3 girls and a guy) were all outraged for me. LoL, of course that's how good friends are supposed to react!

My close guy friend who had never met "He" before that night but had been speaking to He on AIM during the time we were dating immediately swore he was going to stop communication, my bestie and my other girls also decided he was completely whacked and he didn't deserve anymore attention. Mine or theirs. Good we're all on the same page. Time to MOVE ON!

I know that should be the end of our story. He and Me. But I've never been one to hold a grudge. I can't do it. My mother thinks it's one of my better qualities, but I think it sometimes makes me seem like a pushover, which I'm not. Neither here nor there. We became cool again after several months of not really speaking to each other at all. I really don't even remember how we sparked a friendship again. There weren't really any romantic feelings any longer, but I guess there was still somewhat of tension there (maybe because we'd never actually done "the do", but had always gotten right up to it before cutting it out). He ended up moving to my city for a job, we were basically neighbors. Looking after each other's apartments when out of town, borrowing sugar, all that neighborly crap.

I said before he was a guy who took pride in his appearance. Before he went out for the night I was always over there going through his closets and putting my two cents in about his wardrobe. One day I was over there (I think it was shortly after he moved in), I was helping him hang his jeans, and came across a pair that looked familiar.

me: These jeans. . . they have your initials on them.
him: oh yeah...
me: "Friend" has a pair JUST like them!
him: I know, he made them for me. I saw his and asked him to make me a pair.
me: What? When??
him: he did them for me at this BBQ
me: I didn't even know you guys even spoke to each other still.

I didn't dwell on it, because I really didn't care. I did call "friend" up immediately and express my shock that he'd actually linked up with him without telling me! Friend called me back several times that day to apologize. I wasn't even upset, it really wasn't a big deal to me. BUT Him was on a rant about Friend and was basically in a tiff because he apologized to me. Get over it! He insisted that no MAN would apologize for something so stupid. Whatever, I don't care!

After that, almost every time I mentioned my friend, Him would bad mouth him. Every chance he got he'd express how annoying Friend was, how he'd never get into the fraternity he was trying so hard to join, all the way down to things as stupid as the grain and growth pattern of his hair. I know I wondered to myself a couple of times how he'd even know what Friend's hair looked like if he'd only seen him once. Damn I guess he saw it in his Facebook pictures or something! How rude.

Late one night I was in the laundromat with Friend and our girl friend while they did their laundry. Friend said he had something he wanted to share with me, he'd been trying to link up for about 2 weeks but we just couldn't get it together. I asked "girl friend" if she knew what he wanted to tell me... at first she sorta acted like she knew what he might want to say by saying like "he should tell you himself". . . then a few days later she had no idea what it was. At first I figured she knew since she was a little closer to friend than I was, even though we were all 'family'.

Anyway, while we were sitting in the laundromat Friend texts me "I sleep with boys".... I guess he was uncomfortable saying the words to me out loud. I wasn't surprised at all. Just surprised that he was finally admitting it. Everyone always talked about him, calling him gay, but he denied it. So I ALWAYS stuck up for him. Saying he was "metrosexual" not gay. I was glad he was being honest. It didn't change our friendship one bit!

I sat there listening to him finally being open with me. Laughing at some of his stories of his sexcapades. Turns out girl friend already knew. He'd told her a few months before. She wasn't surprised either! Of course not. He's not what some people would call a "big queen", but he definitely isn't the manliest of men. Always a gentleman either way. He almost reminded me of "Him", personality wise.I sat there rolling the idea around in my head thinking about A LOT of things that started to make sense. Like all of his dates that he never let me meet, and situations he'd ask my advice on but the women would never have names or physical descriptions. Apparently he's bisexual and slept with boys and girls. Fine, with me.

All of a sudden DING DING DING!!!

me: Friend. . . did you sleep with Him?
him: No.
me: are you telling me the truth?
him: yes. I would never do that to you.
me: (skeptical look)
Him: why'd ask me that?
me: just curious.

A few minutes later, Friend goes to the bathroom. I turned to Girl Friend like "Did he just lie to me??" and she confirms.

For the next few weeks I made it my mission in life to rip a confession out of both Friend and Him. Friend denied it so vehemently that he resorted to calling me names, comparing himself to Jesus (as they were both accused of lying... and then were crucified on a cross??), he called me all sorts of names and things out of my character. It actually almost came down to an actual physical altercation in public. We were in a club in DC for Girl Friend's birthday. He chose to try to address the situation there. I told him several times that I did not want to talk about it. So since he insisted on addressing my disgust for him it escalated into a shouting match. I swear it was just like arguing with another chick! What man do you know will engage in a (high pitched) shouting match, including name calling with a female in the club?? If one of my girls hadn't grabbed me by my waist just in time I would've jumped on top of him as he went down the stairs.

After this dude drags my name and character through the mud, bad mouthing me to whomever he felt the need... he decides he needs to come clean! Dude I already knew. It was already confirmed. Save your apology, I don't want it. And being friends is out of the question! I'm not a person who holds grudges but I'm not stupid either. I can forgive someone and move on at the same time. I've gotten a few written apologies from him, and I'm cordial, even nice sometimes when I happen to be in the same place as him. I need him to know that what he did was NOT okay. It was NOT acceptable, and for most people, not even forgivable. The next chick may not be so nice.

And as for "Him". . . he's still in denial about his sexuality. He's in a pretend world. I hear he broke Friend's heart. I think it's good for him. I wonder if there was a lesson learned in it for either of them.

I think from now on I need a reference from any man's last 3 sexual partners and some character witnesses before I get involved! Oh well, you live and you learn! What are we without our life experiences? No one.

"Even Christ was perceived as a liar before he was hung on the cross" -Friend

Monday, August 10, 2009

Sucka For Lovin'

Have you ever just been a straight sucka for some good Lovin'??

Let's be honest, it wasn't really love. Purely physical, nothing emotional about it. I never understood why it's considered taboo for women to simply want to experience the act of sex without further involvement? Men do it and they're considered to be "acting like a man". However a woman who acts in the same manner is considered less than desired.

I say you should do what you need to in order to be happy (without hurting someone else). I've been guilty of the "crime" of finding pleasure in being pleasured ;) There have been one or two gentlemen that I've dated and decided I no longer had any mental interest in but the sex was good so I kept them around for my in-between-time. One guy in particular knew all the right spots and I got off every time... he made sure of it. But once we left the bedroom our time was just filled with awkward conversation of no real value. We came to the agreement that we both know what we enjoy doing together, so why try to make it more than that? Let's just keep this thing up (pun definitely intended) until we can no longer milk the cow!

It is much easier to be honest with someone (and yourself) than try to force a meaningful relationship out of the act of good sex. You're just going to find that it's everything but meaningful when the lights come back on (or maybe you're the type to keep the room lit... whatever you prefer).

Anyway, I like this arrangement and in the meantime I'm keeping my options open. Since my "little girl" is already being taken care of, I can focus on finding someone who stimulates the other aspects of my life. And when I find him, I'll say good bye to my gentlemen friend. Until then... he keeps me satisfied!

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Universal Language

Sometimes I realize how lucky we are to have such talented people to learn from. I think that I'll make a valid attempt at appreciating my heritage more. I came across this video today and it made me feel good! I'm passing the goodness on to you. Enjoy!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Best Two Out of Three...

So I decided to waste $4.99 on an On-Demand movie today. The move of choice... "He's Just Not That Into You". Although it was not what I expected, I must say that I really enjoyed it. Have you ever watched a movie that makes you cry and you don't even make an attempt to hide it? Its so embarrassing, but I don't care. Who wouldn't want to reach into the pants pocket and feel the velvet box inside? What woman wouldn't like to turn around and see her man on bended in tow?...How romantic! I wonder when this fairy-tale yearning is introduced to us [women]. Is the "I want that" feeling isolated exclusively to females? Secretly, there has to be some kind of romantic situation that men yearn for. You can't tell me that by the end of "Love & Basketball" you weren't thinking..."damn man...that's beautiful".

Come on can respond anonymously. Tell the truth. You yearn the romance just as much as us right? Maybe?