Wednesday, August 19, 2009

She Don't Have to Know. . .

Hey Lovelies!

I started writing this post the other day and it just became WAY too long. I thought to myself "No one is gonna sit here and read this!" LoL... so this is my condensed version (it's still long though, so you may want to get a snack first! lol).

I've wanted to write about this for SO long, but I refrained because I didn't want to "expose" anyone or hurt their feelings. But I've been mulling it over and over lately and decided to finally write it. I am no longer concerned about who may be upset about it, because they obviously weren't worried about what their actions would do to me when they were creating my story line. Another reason I did not want to write this is because I was worried what other people (not involved) would think, and it's reflection on me. However, I simply don't care anymore. I'm getting this off my chest, because maybe someone who reads this will be able to relate.

And if you already know this post is about you, then I think you should just be grateful I'm not putting your real name in it!

I was involved with this guy a couple years ago. He wasn't my boyfriend but I was SMITTEN with him. We dated on and off for a year and change. He seemed so close to everything I thought I was looking for. Very intelligent, nice looking, well dressed... He got along great with my friends, but didn't smother me partly because he lived an hour away and was pretty much an all around gentleman. He said he was celibate because of his past relationship with his ex girl friend and I respected that. We had our little spats from time to time of course. Mostly about his ex or about mine who I still had a close relationship with. Coincidentally his ex happened to date my ex before any of the rest of us met or got involved each other. . . small world.

When it was finally over between "He" and I (I know that grammatically that word should be 'him' but this is his name for the purpose of this story), I was crushed. It was 2 days before my birthday, and I had just been to see him with a group of my friends as a kickoff to my birthday weekend. He sent me a text while I was at IHOP with my friends, basically breaking up with me for no reason other than it "beginning to feel too much like a relationship". It was BULL, and my friends (consisting of 3 girls and a guy) were all outraged for me. LoL, of course that's how good friends are supposed to react!

My close guy friend who had never met "He" before that night but had been speaking to He on AIM during the time we were dating immediately swore he was going to stop communication, my bestie and my other girls also decided he was completely whacked and he didn't deserve anymore attention. Mine or theirs. Good we're all on the same page. Time to MOVE ON!

I know that should be the end of our story. He and Me. But I've never been one to hold a grudge. I can't do it. My mother thinks it's one of my better qualities, but I think it sometimes makes me seem like a pushover, which I'm not. Neither here nor there. We became cool again after several months of not really speaking to each other at all. I really don't even remember how we sparked a friendship again. There weren't really any romantic feelings any longer, but I guess there was still somewhat of tension there (maybe because we'd never actually done "the do", but had always gotten right up to it before cutting it out). He ended up moving to my city for a job, we were basically neighbors. Looking after each other's apartments when out of town, borrowing sugar, all that neighborly crap.

I said before he was a guy who took pride in his appearance. Before he went out for the night I was always over there going through his closets and putting my two cents in about his wardrobe. One day I was over there (I think it was shortly after he moved in), I was helping him hang his jeans, and came across a pair that looked familiar.

me: These jeans. . . they have your initials on them.
him: oh yeah...
me: "Friend" has a pair JUST like them!
him: I know, he made them for me. I saw his and asked him to make me a pair.
me: What? When??
him: he did them for me at this BBQ
me: I didn't even know you guys even spoke to each other still.

I didn't dwell on it, because I really didn't care. I did call "friend" up immediately and express my shock that he'd actually linked up with him without telling me! Friend called me back several times that day to apologize. I wasn't even upset, it really wasn't a big deal to me. BUT Him was on a rant about Friend and was basically in a tiff because he apologized to me. Get over it! He insisted that no MAN would apologize for something so stupid. Whatever, I don't care!

After that, almost every time I mentioned my friend, Him would bad mouth him. Every chance he got he'd express how annoying Friend was, how he'd never get into the fraternity he was trying so hard to join, all the way down to things as stupid as the grain and growth pattern of his hair. I know I wondered to myself a couple of times how he'd even know what Friend's hair looked like if he'd only seen him once. Damn I guess he saw it in his Facebook pictures or something! How rude.

Late one night I was in the laundromat with Friend and our girl friend while they did their laundry. Friend said he had something he wanted to share with me, he'd been trying to link up for about 2 weeks but we just couldn't get it together. I asked "girl friend" if she knew what he wanted to tell me... at first she sorta acted like she knew what he might want to say by saying like "he should tell you himself". . . then a few days later she had no idea what it was. At first I figured she knew since she was a little closer to friend than I was, even though we were all 'family'.

Anyway, while we were sitting in the laundromat Friend texts me "I sleep with boys".... I guess he was uncomfortable saying the words to me out loud. I wasn't surprised at all. Just surprised that he was finally admitting it. Everyone always talked about him, calling him gay, but he denied it. So I ALWAYS stuck up for him. Saying he was "metrosexual" not gay. I was glad he was being honest. It didn't change our friendship one bit!

I sat there listening to him finally being open with me. Laughing at some of his stories of his sexcapades. Turns out girl friend already knew. He'd told her a few months before. She wasn't surprised either! Of course not. He's not what some people would call a "big queen", but he definitely isn't the manliest of men. Always a gentleman either way. He almost reminded me of "Him", personality wise.I sat there rolling the idea around in my head thinking about A LOT of things that started to make sense. Like all of his dates that he never let me meet, and situations he'd ask my advice on but the women would never have names or physical descriptions. Apparently he's bisexual and slept with boys and girls. Fine, with me.

All of a sudden DING DING DING!!!

me: Friend. . . did you sleep with Him?
him: No.
me: are you telling me the truth?
him: yes. I would never do that to you.
me: (skeptical look)
Him: why'd ask me that?
me: just curious.

A few minutes later, Friend goes to the bathroom. I turned to Girl Friend like "Did he just lie to me??" and she confirms.

For the next few weeks I made it my mission in life to rip a confession out of both Friend and Him. Friend denied it so vehemently that he resorted to calling me names, comparing himself to Jesus (as they were both accused of lying... and then were crucified on a cross??), he called me all sorts of names and things out of my character. It actually almost came down to an actual physical altercation in public. We were in a club in DC for Girl Friend's birthday. He chose to try to address the situation there. I told him several times that I did not want to talk about it. So since he insisted on addressing my disgust for him it escalated into a shouting match. I swear it was just like arguing with another chick! What man do you know will engage in a (high pitched) shouting match, including name calling with a female in the club?? If one of my girls hadn't grabbed me by my waist just in time I would've jumped on top of him as he went down the stairs.

After this dude drags my name and character through the mud, bad mouthing me to whomever he felt the need... he decides he needs to come clean! Dude I already knew. It was already confirmed. Save your apology, I don't want it. And being friends is out of the question! I'm not a person who holds grudges but I'm not stupid either. I can forgive someone and move on at the same time. I've gotten a few written apologies from him, and I'm cordial, even nice sometimes when I happen to be in the same place as him. I need him to know that what he did was NOT okay. It was NOT acceptable, and for most people, not even forgivable. The next chick may not be so nice.

And as for "Him". . . he's still in denial about his sexuality. He's in a pretend world. I hear he broke Friend's heart. I think it's good for him. I wonder if there was a lesson learned in it for either of them.

I think from now on I need a reference from any man's last 3 sexual partners and some character witnesses before I get involved! Oh well, you live and you learn! What are we without our life experiences? No one.

"Even Christ was perceived as a liar before he was hung on the cross" -Friend

9 comments:

chucknorrisbirthdaycakes said...

As as friend of none of your friends mentioned, but a good friend of one of ur other friends.... THIS SHIT IS MAD GAY.

It was GAY from the AIM - U KNEW UR FRIEND was Gay and u were just OK with 'HIM' sending 'Friend' texts/AIM's about whatever whatever like it was nothing. Yeah he was trying to get in the fraternity, yeah it seemed innocent. Ur 20sumthin. U know better! He made him some jeans.... some jeans. Eat my grits, and yo ass was like like "oh..". Repeat after me THAT SHIT IS GAY. Even if 'Him didn't turn out to tackle testicles the fact that he allowed the help of another man to enhance his wardrobe is a sign uber-gayetti(i made that shit up)

That shit was stupid. 'Him' probably looked gay 'Him'self. Shit u said it urself 'Friend' even reminded u of 'Him'. If it walks like a Duck and quacks like a Duck its probably sleeping with 'Him' and 'Friend'. Gawd that was a bad story. I'm mad the contributors of Cocktail are ok with this. It's not even cuz it's homosexual betrayal and whatnot. Whatever tickles ur pickle. Do what makes you happy. I'm more offended that ur 'instinct' was to let the gay behavior ride. U told urself it wasn't what you thought it was because what you thought it was wasn't what it was. That is even gayer, than the 2 funboi's in denial.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Tenant said...

hmmm, i read this at another site already....

Anonymous said...

Sure you did... http://www.frenchkissez.wordpress.com. Go over and comment.

Tiff Marie said...

@ The Tenant. . . you read it on my blog (someone didn't read the about French Kissez portion. lol)!

There's 3 writers on CocktailOur but some of us have separate blogs too :)

Hope you commented!

The Sphinx said...

Hello, I was browsing SBM's site and found yours. Good posts. Wow. I knew where this was going even before the end. This is a mess. Good thing you didn't sleep with "He". I heard there were a lot of gays in DC, and east coast in general - is this true? And the thing about it is, these guys won't even identify with being gay, so when they meet a woman, they're pretending like they're straight but taking it in the butt. SO not cool. You should've put them both on blast publicly.

Sake said...

Mmm Girl... I was almost sure where this thing was going when you got to the "jeans incident". Youre a blogger and bloggers blog about things that they are either directly or indirectly affected by. I dont blame you for being upset and reacting the way you did b/c at the end of the day, had you slept with "Him" and "Friend" never told you what was going on....all of you couldve been fucked up in the game. "Friend" was wrong and "Him" never shouldve allowed a "friendship" to blossom between you and himself again, knowing some crazy shit was going on behind the scenes.

Bi-sexual men make me sick, because situations like this are exactly what happens, because everything about their lifestyle is so secretive that they almost always gettin their stick paws on someone that they have no business with. Theyre 2 awful people and they dont deserve to be in your life.

Sake said...

Mmm Girl... I was almost sure where this thing was going when you got to the "jeans incident". Youre a blogger and bloggers blog about things that they are either directly or indirectly affected by. I dont blame you for being upset and reacting the way you did b/c at the end of the day, had you slept with "Him" and "Friend" never told you what was going on....all of you couldve been fucked up in the game. "Friend" was wrong and "Him" never shouldve allowed a "friendship" to blossom between you and himself again, knowing some crazy shit was going on behind the scenes.

Bi-sexual men make me sick, because situations like this are exactly what happens, because everything about their lifestyle is so secretive that they almost always gettin their sticky paws on someone that they have no business with. Theyre 2 awful people and they dont deserve to be in your life.

Anonymous said...

this makes no sense.