Friday, December 4, 2009

Give Me My 40 Acres!

I'm thinking about drafting up a pre-sexual agreement for future use. Why should the married gals get all of the money when us single ladies put up with just as much crap? I want my $150 too!

Picture this...dark house...nothing but a movie on...a little tipsy...he's rubbin on my thigh...starts to kiss my neck...I kiss his...then move to his ear...there's tongue action...he's getting hott...I'm getting hott...I get on top...we're kissing...its getting good...buttons are loosening...skirts coming off...we're down to underwear people...he lays me on my back...kisses down my stomach...licking my thighs...his hands are so strong...he goes to pull the panties...then....pause. I pull out the paper.

*my sexy voice & bedroom eyes* "Do you think you could sign this pre-sexual agreement? Its just a little requirement that I have before intimacy. It's okay if you don't want to sign it. We don't have to have sex if you don't want to."

So?...considering the circumstances, how many fools will sign that paper? I can name several. Can you?

Edit: One of our faithful readers would like to know what said agreement would look like. Here is a draft.

---------------------------------
By signing this agreement you herby attest that you have not lied about anything discussed between you and the issuer prior to the signing of this agreement. Should the issuer of this contract become aware of any lies, stated or implied, then she is eligible to receive a lump sum monetary compensation not to exceed $1500.

Furthermore you attest that you are not currently in a relationship with any other human being. If, after this sexual encounter, one of your bitches (girlfriend, wife or other) contact the issuer of this contract by any means staking claim of you as a significant other; you will be obligated to pay the issuer $200 for each month that the two parties were sexually involved.

In addition, if it is discovered that you have any unusual mental or sexual tendencies that were not disclosed prior to the signing of this agreement, you agree to pay the designated fee as stated in paragraph 2.

If you agree to the terms of this agreement, please sign where indicated line below.


_________________________________
Signature

_________________________________
Witness

____________________
Date

3 comments:

The Tenant said...

what are the details of the contract?

Cocktail J said...

By signing this agreement you herby attest that you have not lied about anything discussed between you and the issuer prior to the signing of this agreement. Should the issuer of this contract become aware of any lies, stated or implied, then she is eligible to receive a lump sum monetary compensation not to exceed $1500.

Furthermore you attest that you are not currently in a relationship with any other human being. If, after this sexual encounter, one of your bitches (girlfriend, wife or other) contact the issuer of this contract by any means staking claim of you as a significant other; you will be obligated to pay the issuer $200 for each month that the two parties were sexually involved.

In addition, if it is discovered that you have any unusual mental or sexual tendencies that were not disclosed prior to the signing of this agreement, you agree to pay the designated fee as stated in paragraph 2.

If you agree to the terms of this agreement, please sign where indicated line below.

_________________________________
Signature

_________________________________
Witness

____________________
Date

Cocktail T - Frenchie said...

LMAO!! I LOVE IT!
::printing::