Monday, January 25, 2010

Thinking In Pig Latin

I wonder if backwards thinking is something you have to grow out of & how many of us actually make it out of this delusional state.

I had a conversation with a friend and he told me a story of how he had put tons of energy into wooing a girl who wasn't into him. He bought her gifts and made her things, really really sweet and heartfelt gestures, and in turn she went and got herself a crappy boyfriend. Naturally, after trying his best to win her over and being rejected, his feelings were hurt. When I asked him if he has done any of those things for the woman that he is currently seeing he stated something to the effect of "no, because she already likes me". Huh? So let me get this right. You treat a woman who clearly doesn't like you like a queen, but the one who is obviously smitten by you is treated like a peasant? How is this right? More importantly, how can you be mad at the woman who didn't like you when you knew she didn't like you to begin with? Who's fault was it that you pursued a woman who didn't want pursing? It's basic math.

Logical: (she likes you) + (you like her) = treat her well
Illogical: (she doesn't like you) + (you like her) = treat her well until she likes you
Logical: (she doesn't like you) + (you like her) = Eff that hoe & keep it moving

I'm pretty sure that this man isn't stupid. I'm starting to wonder how many of our issues could be solved if we actually thought about things before we did them. When will we learn to strategize in life, instead of just living? How many of us actually sit down and think about things logically instead of being driven by our emotions? I'm inclined to believe that life would be much easier if we would just take the time to think things out.

Friday, January 22, 2010

You Have New Follower Requests

In a low-activity job such as mine, Twitter, Facebook and blogging have become my new bff's. They keep me company, provide entertainment and often give me someone to interact with during my downtime. Naturally, we spend a good deal of time together. Unfortunately, in this digital age, I am not the only bff of the social medias. So what happens when our family, friends and sexual partners enter into our digital lives? How much is too much togetherness in the digital world?

More importantly, what do you do when an innocent friendship blossoms into more after you're already socially connected by the networks? How do you say, hey...I have to unfollow you because I can't bear to see what you and @ilickitgood24 are discussing? What is the proper way to say...I'm sorry, we can no longer be facebook friends because quite frankly...I don't want you in my business and I don't want to see yours?

I'm perplexed. Life is too complicated. Can't we just go back to the days of cans & strings? It was all so simple then.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Want What You Can't Have

Recently I went to a family member's wedding. Weddings typically make me cry, but since I arrived more than an half hour late I made it through the entire ordeal tearless. That is until I saw my high school crush. I don't want to paint the picture that I'm still in love with this man. I mean actually I never was. What can you possibly know about love in the ninth grade. And by you, I mean me. I hadn't even had my first real kiss (I know I was a late bloomer). I may not have known much about sex and the way those activities worked (lol it's funny just thinking about it) but I certainly knew how to spot an attractive man. Mr. "Name withheld to protect me from embarrassment" you are certainly an attractive man. I remember writing him a letter disclosing my feelings for him, which he later showed to the girl he chose over me to prove there was nothing going on between us. If it sounds painful and embarrassing to you, imagine living through it. I remember.. . .wait now that I think about it. . . .why am I writing this again? I mean sure you look nice, but you're poison. High school poison to be exact. lol.

Ahh it sure was nice to see you.

The Jealous Friend

There's nothing worse than a jealous friend. You know, someone that doesn't like to listen to your good fortune. When you share your happy stories, they get quiet or pause and say something like "that's nice" or a dry-ass "really". Don't you hate that person. Just want to kick them in the shin? Well I'm that friend!! LOL! My girlfriend's new man is running circles around my stale relationship and I can't take it! Every time she tells me a story about how thoughtful he is or the sweet sh%t he says, I want to scream. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her. I truly am. But damn if it doesn't make me look at my relationship with a squinted eye.

I feel like making prank calls on my boyfriend's cell. lol!

I'm just venting.

Day 1: Digitial Cleanse

FAIL! *kanye shrug*

Friday, January 15, 2010

A Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred? It gets posted 3 weeks late. We intended to post this video prior to New Year's Eve, but life happens. *Kanye shrug*

This is an intimate look into the minds behind your favorite site. Grab some popcorn and be prepared to be thorougly entertained (or disappointed).

One At A Time People....One At A Time!

I just realized that I've been out of the dating loop for too long. I'm trying to remember back to when I was in, but its all a blur. I am aware that as young single adults we have a tendency to "play the field". We meet people, go out on dates and eventually get to know those that may seem worthy of more than a movie. Unless you're a Jonas Brother, this prolonged interaction may eventually escalate to some hugging, kissing and/or kinky sex. I do understand that most people "date" more than one person at a time. Why limit yourself right? Dating is only dating...its not a committed relationship.

Here's the tricky part. What are the rules of engagement when you are having a sexual relationship with someone who you're merely "dating" but not committed to? While I suppose I can see myself "dating" more than one person, I can't get with the idea of being sexually involved with more than one man at a time. So what does that mean? Does it mean that, ironically, my idea if non-commitment is actually commitment?

I don't understand. I'm lost and cold...
Where is Ja Rule?I need him to make sense of all this!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Please Excuse If I Come Across Rude

It is quite a culture shock to find out that everything you stood for was a lie. About a two years ago, I experienced the end of a very long and dysfunctional relationship. This summer, I began to get a little lovesick. Not for my ex-boyfriend, but for a man in general. I just missed the company and the dependability of having one at home. I always thought that I wanted another nice man who would rub my feet, take me out and cuddle with me at night. I had this idea in my mind for a while after almost a year of being alone. Then along came a spider…

He was rude, a tad bit aloof, made fun of me… and did I say rude? He said the weirdest things to me, wouldn't rub my feet and acted as if the world was his on rental to the rest of us. He and I didn't work because of other reasons. But I will say that despite those things, that man made me realize that what I thought I wanted, was not what I wanted at all. I want someone who’s funny, someone who shocks me, someone a bit over the top. Someone like…me. Who knew?

They always say that opposites attract…and I totally get it. But how long can you be around someone who is your polar opposite? How can it work if you don’t find the same things funny, or don’t handle situations the same? How long before opposites can’t function because they’re too different?

Anyhow, my quest has changed. It’s very unlikely that I’ll find a man who is just like me; and that's very disappointing. Hopefully I will come close. I’m actually wondering about what else I’ve been missing out on while I was looking for Mr. Nice.

Digital Cleanse

I've always been a huge fan of John Mayer's work. If you've ever taken a road trip with me or a ride to the store, chances are you've been subjected to his music and my master plan to convert everyone to Mayerism.

More recently, I've become a fan of his blog. While browsing today, I came across this:

The One Week Digital Cleanse

Mention to anyone with computer savvy that your laptop has somehow gotten slower over recent months and they’ll ask you the same thing: “have you defragmented your hard drive?” Defragmenting works by taking small slivers of information stored in various locations and consolidating them so that they’re in the same place on the drive and thus easier to access in larger chunks. Hard drive fragmentation is a great metaphor for - if not a literal manifestation of - what’s happened to our brains over years and years of processing small bursts of information. 2009 took fragmentation to a whole new level given the rise of Twitter and the social acceptance of texting people as a substitute to making phone calls.

That’s where the one week digital cleanse comes in. I’ll be defragmenting my mental and psychological hard drive during the first seven days of the new year, and I invite you all to participate.


*email only from laptop or desktop computers

*cell phones can only be used to make calls, and no text messages or e-mails are allowed - if you receive a text, you must reply in voice over the phone. E-mails must be returned from a laptop or desktop computer.

*no use of Twitter or any other social networking site - this includes reading as well as posting.

*no visiting of any entertainment or gossip sites. (No need to detail which ones - you know what they are.)

I floated the idea last week on Twitter to see if anyone could envision themselves doing this, and the responses were interesting; some said they could definitely do it, but many were resigned to the idea, calling it impossible. If it is impossible, than my theory is already proven and we’re in big trouble as a society.

This can be done, people. Do it with me. When we pop back up on the grid on January 8, let’s trade stories on what it felt like, how hard it was, and maybe how hard it actually wasn’t.



So obviously I missed the new year resolution boat, but who cares?! Everyday is a new opportunity. With my serious addiction to blogs, text, google wave and gchat this is going to be difficult for me, but not impossible. I will begin my digital cleanse Monday, January 18th (MLK day) & bring it to a close on January 25th. I encourage you all to participate. If you receive a call in response to your text, don't judge me lol.

Who's with me?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Truth About Female Friends...

Someone posed the question today of whether I would allow my husband to have female friends. As much as I hate looking like the crazy possessive wife, I had to answer no. You all can save your opinions of insecurity, immaturity and any other "uritys" that you can muster up. Its all about prevention people.

While I know what I would like for my husband to do, I'm aware that can not tell him whom he can and can not befriend. I would, however, like to offer my reasoning of why married and/or committed people should not have active friendships with the opposite sex.

My main reason of why the committed shouldn't have "friends" is because men and women can't be platonic. I know we like to fool ourselves into believing that it can happen, but it can't. At some point, someone becomes attracted to the other. It may be reciprocated or not, but attraction builds over time and its dangerous...this is all about prevention.

Eventually the question expanded to whether or not he should be able to keep female friends that he has had from the past. Thanks to the ex I'm gonna have to answer this with a no too. I'm inclined to believe that these "friendships" started out as something more. The two parties are hardly ever truthful about "extra" things that have occurred throughout the duration of these friendships. Most importantly..."old friends" have a sense of entitlement thats out of this world. They think that they have privileges and rights that outweigh those of your new partner's. There are hardly any boundaries in these friendships, which leads to a certain level of disrespect to our relationship. We all know that wont be tolerated.

Often, men are extremely naive or just plain stupid. They act as if they can never see the signs that a woman is interested in them as more than a friend. Sometimes I think that women hold on to their male BFF's (so gay) as a back-up; just in case they wake up 35 and unmarried. No ma'am...not with my man you won't. So if you absolutely MUST have a female friend there will be rules.

-We're all hanging out in a group at all times. Whenever you're with her, you're with me.
-If you're talking on the better be on 3-way with me.
-You definitely ain't hanging out with her and any of her skanky ass friends. I know all about that hook-up game.
-Don't talk to her about our personal business.
-If I catch her eating off of your plate, you're both dead.
-Don't invite her over for holidays...thats doing too much.
-...several other rules that may be added later.

It's not about me not trusting you...its about you being a man, her being a woman and me being on probation.

Prevention people...prevention.

In the oh-ten say no to female best friends...

The end.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Saturday, January 2, 2010

A Few Facts...

1. Men only like you when you don't like them. Show just enough interest to keep them interested, otherwise its a wrap.

2. People always have hidden agendas.

3. 30 Rock is the funniest white humor around. If you don't watch it, your life sucks.

4. You can teach an old dog new tricks, but it involves lots of physical abuse and the use of narcotics. It's probably not worth the hassle.

5. The older you get, the less important holidays become. Be an adult, sleep through New Years.

6. Life is so much better when you're sober. Says the dummy who decided that her resolutions would be to quit drinking & no cursing.

7. Eff resolutions...(is saying eff still cursing?)

8. A life without friends is one crappy life. If you don't have any friends, get some.

9. I erase people's numbers from my phone when I'm mad at them. Then when they contact me, I restore their number back into my phone. I'm a back-peddler and I really need to stop that.

10. My 3rd resolution will be to stop beck-peddling.

11. Okay, maybe it won't be.

12. There is no way that people think they can actually pull off booty pop panties. It doesn't even look believable. Stop being cheap and go get pumped like Nikki Minaj.

13. Footrubs make life worth living. If you've never had your feet rubbed, you haven't lived. You too guys.

14. As much as I try to pretend I don't...I do have feelings.

15. Reading expands your outlook on things...but be careful of what you read.

16. India.Arie was right. It is the little things.

17. Sometimes its the big things too.

18. This list may be getting too long.

19. Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.

20. I feel like crying.

Don't judge me.
Oh thats right, you most likely can't because you don't know which one of us is writing this.
Oh the joys of anonymity.