Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Truth About Female Friends...

Someone posed the question today of whether I would allow my husband to have female friends. As much as I hate looking like the crazy possessive wife, I had to answer no. You all can save your opinions of insecurity, immaturity and any other "uritys" that you can muster up. Its all about prevention people.

While I know what I would like for my husband to do, I'm aware that can not tell him whom he can and can not befriend. I would, however, like to offer my reasoning of why married and/or committed people should not have active friendships with the opposite sex.

My main reason of why the committed shouldn't have "friends" is because men and women can't be platonic. I know we like to fool ourselves into believing that it can happen, but it can't. At some point, someone becomes attracted to the other. It may be reciprocated or not, but attraction builds over time and its dangerous...this is all about prevention.

Eventually the question expanded to whether or not he should be able to keep female friends that he has had from the past. Thanks to the ex I'm gonna have to answer this with a no too. I'm inclined to believe that these "friendships" started out as something more. The two parties are hardly ever truthful about "extra" things that have occurred throughout the duration of these friendships. Most importantly..."old friends" have a sense of entitlement thats out of this world. They think that they have privileges and rights that outweigh those of your new partner's. There are hardly any boundaries in these friendships, which leads to a certain level of disrespect to our relationship. We all know that wont be tolerated.

Often, men are extremely naive or just plain stupid. They act as if they can never see the signs that a woman is interested in them as more than a friend. Sometimes I think that women hold on to their male BFF's (so gay) as a back-up; just in case they wake up 35 and unmarried. No ma'am...not with my man you won't. So if you absolutely MUST have a female friend there will be rules.

-We're all hanging out in a group at all times. Whenever you're with her, you're with me.
-If you're talking on the better be on 3-way with me.
-You definitely ain't hanging out with her and any of her skanky ass friends. I know all about that hook-up game.
-Don't talk to her about our personal business.
-If I catch her eating off of your plate, you're both dead.
-Don't invite her over for holidays...thats doing too much.
-...several other rules that may be added later.

It's not about me not trusting you...its about you being a man, her being a woman and me being on probation.

Prevention people...prevention.

In the oh-ten say no to female best friends...

The end.


Stoph said...

I disagree. I do believe their is a such thing as a "platonic" (sp?) relationship. I have 2 or 3 female friends whom I would never think of as anything but good friends, and I'm pretty sure they feel the same way. I do agree with you saying that if you spend enough time with someone you will eventually become attracted to them. However, in a committed relationship you shouldn't be spending a lot of time with any of your friends, male or female. 90% of your time should be devoted to your relationship. This goes double after marriage. So if I am married and I have a female best friend, I wouldn't have time to develop deep feelings with her because I would be spending all my time with my partner. A friend of the opposite sex can be crucial for providing excellent relation advice. Also, why should you sacrafice relationships completely? Long time friendships are hard to come by. So why get rid of the ones you have? I do agree that if me and that friend get together than my spouse should be there as well. I also agree that ex's should be out of the question. Just my opinion. Sorry about any spelling/grammar mistakes.

Cocktail J said...

Thanks for the essay. I feel asleep half-way through, but I'm sure it was insightful...

Just kidding.

Frenchie-Cocktail T said...

I don't believe I'm saying this, but I gotta agree with Stoph. . . (for the most part, not 100)

Cocktail J said...

I don't believe you're saying that either. You've been added to the idiot list.

the1datsmackedlama_j said...

Just strolled across this blog through a third party ape, but I digress. In affect you have devalued any type of past friendships as well as declaring any future friendships as having no value. If you are married at 28 there is no one of the opposite sex worthy of a friendship for the rest of your life or until after the divorce? Dunno about that, wouldn't you be a good friend to have? Well I was just passing through, good read.

CocktailJay said...

I apologize if you feel that I've devalued friendship of the opposite sex. That was not the impression that I intended to present. I have several platonic (at least on my behalf) friends...they just all happen to be brothers, uncles & cousins. I suggest my man get cool with his family members, because thats as close as he's going to get to having female friends.



The Tenant said...

it can only be platonic if she's ugly...end of story.

CocktailJay said...

LMAO! If she's ugly...only then.