Initially, we were going to make a video blog about this, but since we're procrastinators the idea never came into fruition. I still feel that it's an important topic to discuss, so I'm going to take a stab at it. This blog may be long...so please accept my apology in advance.
A few weeks ago, on a Friday night, everyone in the Maryland vicinity was preparing for the blizzard of Oh'Ten. We bombarded the markets, video stores and entertainment centers in preparation of being stuck indoors for a prolonged period of time. Most people, if they were smart, chose to position themselves with people whom they could stomach throughout the blizzard. My son, who is 11, was one of those people. He decided that I wasn't a person whom he wanted to be stuck with for such a period of time. He and his cousins made the conscience decision that they'd much rather be stuck together than separately. Food, video games & other kids...what more could a child need in a blizzard right? At age 11, I guess I felt the same way, so permission granted. His aunt came and whisked him away for a fun-filled snowed in week of x-box/play station bliss.
Alone stands mommy :-( Although I looked forward to a week of DJ Hero asswhuppage upon a pre-teen, my plans were foiled and I was ready to go at it alone. After only four hours into "project snowed home alone" I received a text... "You coming to get snowed in with me :-) ?" Did I think long before responding? Nope... Who would stay snowed in with a cat when they could be stuck with a snuggly, warm body? Not I. So I packed a week of clothing and called up a relative to drive me to my destination. I was not about to shovel my car out at someone else's house then have to go home and shovel again.
You still with me?...
I get to my destination on Friday night only to find that more people would be stuck with me than originally anticipated. In addition to my "friend" and his roommate were two of their other friends (one of which I already knew). I was a little thrown aback, but I didn't dwell on it. Better to be stuck in a storm with four people than with a cat right? Off the jump we get to the fun. A few games of spades...a little drinking, nothing serious. Seemed like a good night. No arguments...lots of shit talking...it's what we do. The next two days...not much activity. My friend and I watched a lot of TV/movies and kind of just hung around in his space for the most part. I got thrown into 3 feet of snow (glad you all found it funny) and things were good. Then comes Monday. By Monday, we were all about to go crazy from being in the house for such a long time. After three days of confinement we finally got out and begin to shovel the cars...to go anywhere! To the corner store...it didn't matter, we just needed to get out. The roads were still horrendous and there was no way that we were making it too far, but we did manage to make it to Friday's. Fine with me.
Alcohol mixed with an idiot, prolonged exposure and insecurity is a recipe for disaster. I'm still not completely sure about what happened but somehow my "friend's" friend decided he had enough of me and that "things would be better" if I weren't there. So he proceeded to tell me that I should be somewhere with my "fucking son" instead of with someone who I happen to be dating. I was a little thrown aback by his comments, as were everyone else, but I snapped back quickly and gave him my opinion on how his stupid ass should mind his own business. Initially I was really irritated that someone who has proven to me over the entire weekend that he is a complete idiot, could be so vocal about what he thought I should be doing as a parent Eventually, I got over that and moved on from it. A few words were exchanged and my mens & them were put on alert. However, I went back to normal life snowed away because I didn't want to bring drama to my friend's home. Once it was safe for me to make it to my own home, I did so and didn't revisit the situation again. Very adult like, no?
Initially I wasn't going to blog about this topic. I told my friends, all of whom think that we should find him and cause some bodily harm, but other than that I attributed the situation to someone who didn't like me, attempting to strike a blow in any way he could. How he felt about me was one of his many problems, and wasn't my issue. Que Sara Sara, right? Then, not even a week later a girlfriend of mine, who knew nothing of the experience I just explained, made almost identical comments about a woman that one of our male friends is dating. It really hit me. She obviously knew nothing about this woman, but felt compelled to comment on the fact that this woman should be "with her kid rather than spending the night with a man." I totally don't blame my friend for making those comments about this woman. It is human nature to state your opinion on things. We all sometimes unknowingly make unwarranted assumptions about the lives of others. I get it.
But sadly, just like in my situation, she knew nothing about this woman. She didn't know if this woman had shared custody with the other parent, she didn't know if this child goes away on the weekends, she really didn't know anything about the situation or where the child was. [Edit: The difference between my friend and this guy was that she shared her opinions on this girl confidentially amongst friends. Thats the natural, human thing to do. However, the idiot in my situation decided that it was okay that he bombard me with his silly opinions about my life.]
I dont understand why people who don't have children, are the first to comment on what others should be doing with theirs. Why is it that single, childless people think that single parents don't deserve the opportunity to find love too? Do you people expect us to wait until our children are 18 to begin dating again?
It's very funny because I have a serious problem with bringing men around my child and to my house. It's something that I just don't do. I bet these same people would have a heart attack if they thought I had a man in my house with my child around. So what is a parent to do? Spend time out occasionally, or let every Tom Dick & Harry come over? As long as you're home with your kid they could care less right? Wrong! If you have so much to say about what parents should be doing instead of spending time with a man/woman, please offer some valid suggestions. While you're thinking of suggestions let me offer you this information.
I am a parent. Considering that you have no children, its safe to say that I've been a parent way longer than you. If I am somewhere for a month...don't question me. You don't know my situation. Even if you assume that my child isn't with his other parent please be assured that wherever he is, its somewhere safe with people who love him. I am responsible enough to know if I can leave my kids for 2 or 20 days. You better believe that when he's not with me, he's in safe responsible hands. In the end its my decision. My child is well adjusted, bright and happy...and well aware of the love that his mother has for him. As long as these characteristics remain, please know that I am doing my job. If you have an opinion on how I, or any other parent you know, should raise our children. Do us a favor and have your own kids then apply those opinions to your situation.
Whether or not children are involved, maybe we should stop and think before we comment on the lives and decisions of others. Chances are, we don't know what the hell we're talking about and our opinions are probably not requested or appreciated.
For lent, try giving up minding other's people business and focus on your own. Your life is probably in shambles right now. Get it together grouch.
(P.S...if you feel offended, I apologize, but I had to get it off of my chest. Nothing at all personal towards you.)