"If you're not with your significant other 5 days out of 7, you're sharing that individual with someone". I heard this today on ustream. The idea here is that we are all sharing our partner; most times without our knowledge. It is said that during the introductory period illusions replace truth. In keeping with this, small lies may be told. Especially when faced with big ticket questions like: are you seeing anyone else or are you ready for a relationship? The ustream host suggested most men lie about their dealings with other women. I suppose "I like you and you're the only one" sounds a lot better than "Oh seeing anyone else? Well (pause) you're about the fourth woman I took out this week." So, we (men and women) lie to acquire what we desire. *
From the male host's perspective, it is safe to believe the person you're interested in has other options. It is also wise to believe he’s putting those options to good use. Unfortunately, partly because we can't handle brutal honesty, men omit.** Since a plus one is really only attractive when responding to an invitation, most women will move along. True! Well sort of true. It honestly depends on what a woman is looking for and where she is in her life.
All this UStream-ing made me wonder. . .do women really want the truth? Sure we say we do. "If he's seeing someone else, I need to know." Then when we find out (catch a man cheating) we either: suppress or accept its presence.
So ladies if you met a man you were interested in. Went on a few dates, thought you two had something special and were anxious about the possibilities; would you stay around to be number 4?
Suppose one day over dinner you have the expectation talk. You know the one when he asks what you're looking for in a man and you run down your checklist. He listens intently, just the way a man should. Pauses for a second and replies:
"I am not the kind of dude you want right now. I'm dating other women and if you decide to kick it with me, you’re entering a contract. The contract outlines my unwillingness to settle down. Understand you're not the only one. Someday when the smoke clears and the dust settles I’ll be ready. I'll be everything you're looking for and more! But right now I like you, but not just you"
Tell me, would you still date this man? Men, would you ever be that honest? Is it more important to hear what you want or what you need? I know a lot of women who would hear what this man is saying without truly listening. Some sort of way we’d morph this into a challenge. Only to be disappointed when we find out we couldn’t change his mind. I’m curious. In the end, how important is complete honesty?
* Women generally don’t lie about how many men we’re seeing. We may however adjust our partner history to one that looks a bit more favorable.
** They also omit because, well they’re men.