Twitter has brought many terrible things into my life. However, every once and a while it blesses me with the rare opportunity to think and reflect on an issue. Today that issue was Chivalry. There are many definitions for CHIVALRY, most of which pertain to medieval times and knighthood. For this post the most applicable definitions were as follows:
1.the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, espcourage, honour, justice, and a readiness to help the weak
2.courteous behaviour, esp towards women
Most of us modern folk associate chivalry with the same common qualities. A chivalrous man opens doors, gives you his jacket when you're cold and walks on the street side just in case a car jumps the curb. Easy. Makes sense right? Of course it does.
What I don't get is the big obsession with chivalry. Don't get me wrong, I love a sweet man who does chivalrous things for me. I'm a chivalrous woman, if there ever exists such a thing. However, I have a few issues with chivalry. My initial issue comes in when men want to blame woman for the extinction of chivalry. Whenever the idea that "chivalry is dead" is posed, there is always a man standing near ready to reply "women killed it." The increase in women's independence, salary and overall opportunity is blamed for everything from the fall of the black family to, now, the fall of chivalry. Here are some quotes from the Twitter conversation:
"#chivalry is taken for weakness. Which leads to assholes... Which leads to ABWs which leads to more assholes.#ViciousCycle"
"Again, men were only accessories, women pulled the trigger."
Always the woman's fault huh guys? When are mean going to take equal responsibility for the state of black male/female relationships? Always blame-shifting and finger pointing.
Anyhow...that brings me into my 2nd...and most important issue. Nobody can "kill" something that is in your character. The real reason that chivalry is dead is because it was never alive! Men have been pretending to be chivalrous. Chivalry is a vain characteristic. Many of the most chivalrous of Knights were also the ones responsible for ravaging, pillaging and raping towns into oblivion. Chivalry always have and MAY always will be a facade because it is a practiced characteristic for many.
This is why chivalry can kiss my ass. I say...if its not in you...don't pretend to do it! I'm sure I'm not the only woman that would say, I'd rather open my own damn door if it means that I can have a unchivalrous man who at least is faithful and appreciative of me. Carrying my bags are all in vain if you're behaving anything less than valiant in every other aspect of our relationship. It doesn't impress me. You can't be a gentleman to us 40% of the time but cheat, abuse and take advantage of us the other 60%. It defeats the purpose of chivalry. Perhaps if we begin to work on ourselves and being genuinely good spouses, REAL chivalry will naturally follow. There will be no need to pretend. Maybe if women would learn to be real women, and men would learn to be satisfied and less greedy we would understand what true chivalry is. Honestly taking care of something becomes 2nd nature when you have a true value and appreciation for it. Can't fake it till you make it here buddy.
"Pretending to be noble is far more difficult than actually being noble."