Thursday, December 16, 2010

Facebook Is Not Your Friend...

Hello fine people! I know it's been a while but I'm back! Don't get excited though. I'm only here to issue some tough love; then I'm gone 'till November again. So grab what you can in the short moments that I'm here.

I'm writing this blog to let YOU know that Facebook isn't' your friend; it's merely laughing at you. It is my firm belief that Facebook was created to embarrass and humiliate us all for the purpose of advertising dollars. Facebook seems to think its funny that Jane Doe's status is "in a relationship with John Doe", all the while John is sending Shaquisha Doeington messages asking if he can come over. It's really cruel. Shaquisha has a quick laugh at Jane's expense all because of the Facebook...and that insecure, two-faced John Doe. Makes me kind of happy that he usually ends up dead on a slab with no one to claim him.

Facebook knows that you're an attention whore and you post photos of yourself all day saying "do you like my haircut?", "do you like my new shoes?", "do you like my pussy?". I know that last one was a bit harsh, but that's how it reads to us. Get your self-esteem under control and stop fishing for compliments from Facebook losers. They only want to fuck you. Put your tits away and look for the good in yourself. If you rely on your Facebook friends to build your esteem you're in for a rude awakening. You'll only end up with a swollen vagina and more friend requests.

Facebook likes for you to think that it's okay to go on mini-rants cluttering your "friend's" news feeds with random one-line boasts of empowerment. You think that Facebook doesn't know that you'll be back next week with "How did you get here? Nobody's 'sposed to be here" updates? Then back the week after that, yet again, with an "I've tried that love thing for the last time" status message? I know that sometimes you need to get it out. If you must do so, go hard in the paint! Create a very long one saying everything thats on your mind. Don't forget to point fingers and name names. Call them out! Why half-step it? If you're going to do it, do it all the way!

Yes! Facebook is a know-it-all. It knows. It knows all too well. Facebook has made us all life meteorologists where we can now predict your love weather, money droughts and family storms. If you're going to broadcast your life all over Facebook, do it like the battered white women and only show the good. Stop the un-punctuated crazy lady rants. They don't help anyone. Trust me...I'm not judging anyone. This post is just as much for me as it is for you. I've been guilty of the Facebook shame...but never again! Let's do this together.

Don't give Facebook the satisfaction. Keep it to yourself.

-And yes I quoted Wacka Flocka in this post! What's it to ya?

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