I'm back... and I'm here to make a confession.
Every morning I cry in the shower. This post totally defeats the purpose of why I cry in the shower, but it will help me transition to my next paragraph. I cry every morning in the shower for two reasons: 1. So that my son doesn't hear me crying. 2. So that nobody else knows that I cry. It seems to help me get out my frustrations about everything going wrong in my life. It also offers me a great opportunity to pray and try to think of ways to make these things better. This morning, before the tears came, I was thinking about the post I wrote yesterday. I wrote it for my cousin. I wanted to let her know that, although it may feel therapeutic and catch the attention of whomever, posting all of her rages may bring more trouble than it's worth. When I told her that I was going to blog about her she sent me this message...
"well make sure u write about me messin wit a older man that act younger then me.... my son father having a baby next month.... my son turnin 2 next month.... and gettin this paper so i dont loose my job come 2mar"
So that is exactly what I'm going to do. Every time she goes on her Facebook rants I kind of roll my eyes and try to ignore them. Yesterday it got to the point where I had to comment and tell her that I was muting her so that I wouldn't have to see it. This morning it hit me that how she releases her stress is her decision. Who am I to tell her not to? I could just as easily ignore it.
What I can't ignore is the fact that I am almost always on the verge of asking her why she let's these men do these things to her. There is this saying that goes "a man will only do to you what you will allow." I think that's a pretty stupid saying. Why are we so quick to put the blame on a woman? It's just okay for men to do things because they can get away with them? We give them a way out for every thing they do. Just because you can get away with something doesn't mean you should do it. I can take candy from children all day...does that mean that I should? Why don't men start taking responsibility for their actions? Be a man and stop taking advantage of women simply because you can. There is nothing manly about it, especially when love is involved. I think that love is a sickness. It renders you enable to make proper decisions, to know how sick in love you are, and to cure yourself of the illness. Love has taken many lives. The way we wage war against Cancer and AIDS should apply to love also. I think that the love disease is only non-threatening when both people are sick. Not only do both parties have to be sick, but they have to have the same level of illness. If any party is sicker than the other, he/she instantly becomes the life at risk of being taken advantage of.
So to Antwan Clark...I think you're a fucking asshole. You need to grow up and be a man. How dare you treat my cousin that way because she's stupid enough to love you? Her illness had her there for you through the roughest of times. I wish her heart was harder. She should've left you with nowhere to live or in that hospital bed ALONE...where you belong. How dare you continue to make babies when you don't take care of the beautiful one that you have? I hope that he grows up to despise you as much as I do.
And whoever the old ass pig that she's currently dating...grow the fuck up or date someone your own age. This young girl works really hard to support her and that baby. Granted, she's not the brightest bulb in the box; but she means really well. You "men" should be ashamed of yourselves. Stop preying on these women because you can. I wonder what this world would be like if the tables were turned.
I wish I could tell you that life gets easier, but it doesn't. The older you get, the more annoyed you will become with people in general. Men don't get better. The older they get, the dumber they get; and the madder you will become at them for being so old and stupid. You may even some day feel like you don't want to go on. Unfortunately, I can't tell you that there is anything to look forward to. But I wish you the best.
Editor's note: So what the blog is long and random. You read it to the end so shut the hell up. I'm in a terrible terrible mood. If you have something to say about anything I've ever said or done then do it today. Now is the PERFECT time.