I've spent the greater part of my twenties attempting to understand male/female interaction. A few years back a dear friend of mine diagnosed me with what he adeptly titled, romantic comedy syndrome. His exact words were, “You know what your problem is? You want everything to be cinematic.” Loosely translated, I wanted weekly flower deliveries to my place of business and big moments heightened by the Best Man soundtrack. I wanted to be the one woman who changed a man’s life.
Why? Because that’s what I thought true love was all about. Every womanizer, player, and self proclaimed ultimate bachelor had all fallen victim to love in the movies. Take the player in Steve Harvey’s, Think like a Man for example. He was about as manacle and vagina driven as they come, but even he changed his tune once Megan Goode’s character worked her magic. I compared all of my relationships to this benchmark and I set my stakes high.
Having spent the past 5 years of my life interacting with men who were unmoved by my awesomeness, I was starting to believe such love didn’t exist . . . until I read the gospel that is Panama Jackson!
Where's the motivation? Where's the inspiration? He keeps running into quality but nobody that blows his mind. So why should he trip over himself for a woman that's good but not special. In essence, he keeps coming across women that he’s okay losing. Sure his pride would take a hit, but that’s about it. There’s no sense of “loss” if he doesn't win her heart. And it makes sense. Until he meets “her.”
Who is she? She’s the woman in every romantic comedy who turns a man’s life upside down. We’re all familiar with her because our handsome protagonist is always willing to do whatever it takes to get her attention. He fumbles his speech. He trips walking down stairs. His cool is taken off because she heats him like a furnace. And she absolutely exists in real life. And that’s who all of us men are looking for. Truthfully, we all want to be in love too. Love seems great. But just like women, we’re looking to be captivated too. -Panama Jackson (www.verysmartbrothas.com)
In one article Panama Jackson had managed to slay my pride and open my eyes, simultaneously. Looking back, I possessed all the ingredients necessary to make a man crumble just like in the movies. I’m fun, full of life, accommodating, adventurous, set high standards for my suitors, and I’m sickeningly nurturing. But none and I do mean NONE of that ever seemed to matter. The more I tried to solidify my position as the game changer, I remained the gamed. Permanently marked as a place holder, trophy or toy.
Why is that? Why couldn’t my presence affect these men? I am absolutely quality, but my prey was always below average. Clowns as my male friend calls them, but that’s another article entirely. Don’t get me wrong, I cared for each of these men. They all had something that I craved, unavailability. And isn’t that the challenge every game changer is looking for? If we tried our charms on an available guy, a man who was able to commit and provide; we wouldn't be changing the game. Would we? And let’s face it, the only thing most women like move in ready is our homes. We prefer renovating our men. Sad but true. But just like in real estate the only thing you end up with is a money pit. An emotional and monetary liability that doesn’t become beneficial until you place it back on the market. Ever been through the renovation process? It can be one of the most stressful times of your life. The moment you start peeling back those layers, you find yourself wishing you would have never started. You slowly begin to realize you’re not changing the game, you’re settling.
Well what about “her”? You ask. In my experience the game changer is usually a bitch (see what I did there? I took the entire derogatory context out of the word, well kind of). She’s the unavailable, unaccommodating, I don’t need you, and you’re just another notch on my belt, alpha female. She’s the girl that you hear about and think I can’t believe he’s with her! But even that doesn’t last.
So what can women do to live the cinematic life? Hell if I know. Right now, I’m focusing on putting my renovated men back on the market. Real estate just isn’t for me.