This morning I was thinking about a conversation I had with an ex-friend's girlfriend. At the time my friend had a roommate. They were having money issues and my friend was picking up the roommate's slack. Among the plethora of problems the pair had, the very petty issue of toilet paper kept arising. My friend felt like he was pretty much broke, and on top of having to pay most of the bills he was stuck with the issue of buying toilet paper because the roommate refused to do so. He did it, however, because his girlfriend spent a lot of time there and he had to make sure that she had tissue to wipe her snotty little ass.
One day I was talking to the girlfriend about relationship issues and she made the comment that she knew her boyfriend was broke and that she could have $1000 in her pocket compared to his $10 but would still demand that he buys toilet paper instead of just picking some up for him on her way over. She went on to say something about him knowing his role and what his job is...which was to provide for her. Throughout the entire conversation all I could think of was how much of a selfish bitch she was. I couldn't imagine how a woman would be so petty as to purposely not help someone in need just for the sake of establishing roles.
Fast forward three years and I totally get it now. I want to pretend that she hadn't said that and for the sake of this blog that she did the total opposite. Instead of making her boyfriend spend his last $10 on toilet paper, she decided to just pick up a 12 roll on her way over...no big deal. Then they move in together and she continues to be the one responsible for toilet paper. Then, let's say that her responsibilities expand to other bills and household items. This becomes a pattern and over the course of a few years these things become her unspoken responsibility. Eventually the two decide to split ways and in the process of her moving out she notices that everything he never did but should've, like buy toilet paper, he's now doing for himself. She's furious because she feels like "Hey...you never bought those things when we were together...I could've used a break from buying the Charmin...". The sad fact of the matter is...he never had to because you never made him.
The moral of the story...I think...is that letting a man be a man doesn't always apply to what he's doing for you. It's not always about letting him fix things or carry something for you. Sometimes you have to let a man do for himself too. I know we women are nurturing and giving creatures, but we have to make a conscience effort, like my friend's girlfriend, not to always be so helpful. There are times when helping hurts more than just letting a man go at it for himself. It ultimately will benefit you in the long-run.
And you don't get off easy guys. Just because she's willing to give her all to help you doesn't mean that you should let her. I know it's easy to just take the help, but learn to be a man and just figure it out for yourself. You'll feel so much better in the long-run. You'll feel like...a man.