When my mom was growing up men took care of the household. Actually that’s exactly how my mom describes my grandfather, “he paid the bills and made sure your grandmother had everything she wanted”. My mom is one of six children and my grandfather was a janitor. So paying the bills wasn’t easy. He also made it home every night, cooked and helped with the children. My grandmother worked purely for leisure. My grandfather was a man. I dated a man who worked six jobs, never made it home and expected me to take him on dates. My ex was a boy, dressed in men’s clothing. Something happened between my grandmother’s generation and mine, ours.
Men have become comfortable asking expecting women to take care of them. They want us to cook, clean and bring money home for their use. Somehow they expect us to finance their manhood. And some of us do just that. Countless women rush home to make a meal for a man they are just dating. Offer up some cash if he says he’s a little short. Hell, most of us don’t even cringe if he expects us to pay for the bill. I cringe. Each time it happens, I cringe. The way I see it, it is never a woman’s duty to finance a man’s agenda. If he wants to go to some expensive restaurant, let his ass pay (for both of you). If he wants a home cooked meal every night, he better go grocery shopping. After all, groceries don’t pay for themselves. I did not agree to this courtship so I could practice being: your mom, your banker or your landlord. Don’t expect me to take care of you. Don’t get me wrong it’s perfectly okay to support your man, emotionally. Too many of us are confused about the concept of dating. We somehow forgot we are the prize.
My grandfather knew it, that’s why he worked so diligently to support my grandmother, financially. He understood that men have their own. They come along to enhance a woman’s life, not burden her. So while you’re out there auditioning to be a wife, remember that your suitor is auditioning too. Far too often we get caught up in showing a man that we are worthy. I don’t cook for any man every night. I’ll cook for him on occasion so he knows I can cook. I don’t pay for every date. I’m the woman dammit. That’s not my job. But above everything else, I don’t financially support any man! No matter how fine he is or how lonely I may feel. If any of us are to ever find a man worth taking seriously, we must first know that he takes the business of being a man seriously. If I wanted a boy, I’d date someone’s 18 year old son. He’s agile, sexy and I don’t mind cooking all his meals. Anyone older than that needs to come to the table with something. I’m not asking for you to take care of me, I’m asking you to take care of you. Then maybe we can talk about us.